FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: VERSUS REVISITED

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: VERSUS REVISITED

For those of you that read my long and rambling critique of ‘versus’ films, here’s the point where I shoot my credibility in the face and say ‘If you can’t beat them — join them.’

Here are some of the more intriguing potential horror film fistfights I could think of, complete with my own take on who would emerge victorious (you know, provided they didn’t just give us a crappy, cop out, non-finish)

In the immortal words of the guy from Mortal Kombat…

FIGHT!

Chucky vs Matt Cordell

(Child’s Play vs Maniac Cop)

I know I joked about this a couple of weeks ago in my remakes and sequel blog, but this one works! Forget about Leprechaun vs Chucky, let’s see how he throws down with the titular bad guy of the Maniac Cop trilogy.

In Maniac Cop 3 we see that Matt has problems with Voodoo practitioners and Charles Lee Ray has proven himself pretty handy in this regard, what with transferring his body to a good guy doll through a voodoo incantation. Furthermore, Chucky and Matt would have been at odds prior to the events that made them the monsters we know now – Cordell the strict, no-nonsense police officer and Chuck the wanted serial killer. It’s one of the few cases where a fight ACTUALLY makes sense!

VERDICT: Initial opinions might seem to make this a one sided affair — Cordell is a massive, hulking, undead revenge machine and Chucky is, well, a kid’s toy. And if the fight was to be in a ring as a straight forward physical tussle, the boy Lee Ray would be looking for a new vessel to inhabit faster than you can say ‘Made in Taiwan’.

But that misses the point on Chucky. He’s cruel, cunning, manipulative and (we need to bring it back to this) he’s a master of black magic.

The rather one dimensional Cordell just hasn’t got what it takes upstairs to deal with that. I make this one Chucky’s victory (even though Matt would undoubtedly rise from the grave again at a later date.) Cue Brad Dourif’s Chucky laugh.

JASON vs VICTOR

 (Friday the 13^th vs Hatchet)

 

I’ve gone for a real clash of heavyweights to get us underway, here.

Anybody who has seen the Hatchet trilogy knows that it is basically Friday the 13^th in a swamp, albeit with a more hyperactive Jason. This is just further compounded by the fact that Victor Crowley himself is played by the definitive Jason Voorhees, horror legend Kane Hodder.

A major part of this argument would come from which version of Jason we’re going for: the deformed psycho of Friday the 13^th II-IV; the undead stalker of Friday VI-VIII; the body-jumping demonic entity of Jason Goes To Hell; the nanotechnology enhanced killing machine ‘uber-Jason’ of Jason X; or the vicious, cunning woodsman of the 2009 remake. I’l answer that now – CLASSIC UNDEAD VOORHEES ALL THE WAY BABY!

A plot line wouldn’t be too necessary, Jason has shown his willingness to head further afield for his murderlising (from New York to, well, outer space) so he could easily end up in Honey Island Swamp… and we know how Vic responds to trespassers.

VERDICT: This is an odd fight. Both are ridiculously strong and equally vicious. They’ve both accrued ENORMOUS body counts and each has a dazzling array of gory, gruesome and inventive kills to their name.

Jason is more of the one hit, ‘woah, shit, didn’t see that one coming’ sudden death type, Vic more of a frenzied rabid dog who will maul and tear his victims to shreds.

The real complexity here comes from the fact that both are pretty much immortal. It seems that no matter how much pain and destruction they were able to dish out on each other (and it would be A LOT), neither could hope to keep the other down — so let’s make this a No Score Draw, shall we?

JIGSAW vs THE COLLECTOR

(Saw vs The Collector/The Collection)

As two of the emerging stars of the more recent ‘torture p0rn’ era of horror films, John Kramer (and his various accomplices) and the as-yet unnamed entomologist under The Collector’s gimp mask have a link in their creation. When writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunston wrote their script The Midnight Man, a studio executive read it and thought it could make a good prequel to the Saw films. Eventually the creative team behind that franchise decided against the idea, but it was enough to get the writers the gig to write Saw 4, 5 and 6. Of course with that kind of credit under their belts the guys drew quite a lot of interest from other studios, and so The Midnight Man script was polished and so became… The Collector.

So let the zany and unfeasible trap face off commence!

VERDICT: Both of these guys are sadistic. Jigsaw wants his victims to learn something from their body mutilating experience with him; the Collector just wants to make some REALLY fucked up body sculpture things from his. In a straight face off, the elderly frail cancer patient John Kramer would stand very little chance against the physically very dangerous Collector. I think Kramer’s devoted gang of apprentices and disciples could make a real difference here, but once again, The Collector’s horde of drug addled human guard dogs would probably make short work of the likes of Amanda or Jill in a straight fist (or knife) fight. Jigsaw’s ultimate successor Hoffman would make for a truly intriguing contest with the Collector as he is every bit as ruthless and makes a fine physical match for him.

Perhaps the convoluted backstory to the Saw saga makes this one a bit too tough to call, but I’m coming down on the side of Jigsaw. THE smartest horror villain outside of Hannibal Lecter, I just feel he’d have something up his sleeve to counter the Collector’s more ‘in your face’ brutality. Irrespective of who wins, I think that it’s safe to say this clash would leave A LOT of blood on the ground.

PUMPKINHEAD vs THE CREEPER

 (Pumpkinhead vs Jeepers Creepers)

 

Fuck you, I like these two so I’m going to write about them. If you’ve got a problem with that, write your own horror blog. Or, you know, put a comment below telling me why they suck.

Anyway, my primary reason for pairing these two beasties is that they are two of the least human and more demonic of our horror antagonists. For those of you who have not read my review of Pumpkinhead (to be found here), Pumpkinhead itself is the demonic embodiment of vengeance. It is a massive great monster with incredible strength, stamina and razor sharp claws. It is also a frighteningly adept hunter, able to track whoever it is summoned for to the ends of the earth.

The Creeper on the other hand is originally believed to be some kind of weird psycho, but as the first film progresses we come to see that the Creeper is in fact a monstrous being that survives by consuming body parts every 23 years to replace its own. Furthermore it has large bat-like wings and a keen sense of smell with which it tracks potential victims for the organs that it must harvest.

A plotline involving these two monsters could be surprisingly simple. By the end of Jeepers Creepers and it’s sequel, the Creeper is known to several characters, many of whom have suffered the loss of a loved one at its hands. What if one of these was to summon Pumpkinhead to avenge that bereavement?

VERDICT: This is an intriguing clash and no mistake. Physically I’d give the nod in terms of strength to Pumpkinhead. However, the Creeper’s wings definitely work to its favour. Furthermore, the Creeper has fashioned a whole host of weapons to use against its victims, including blades and ninja style shuriken — many of which are actually made from the discarded skin of bones of previous prey.

And let’s not forget the super souped-up, rickety and creepy BEATNGU truck that the Creeper has at its disposal (although quite why an ancient evil WITH WINGS needs a truck, let alone how it learned to drive, is a mystery to me!). Heavy machinery and a never give up attitude make the Creeper a real menace.

But to me, the deciding factor is the creatures’ weaknesses. The Creeper is definitely hardy, but when injured it remains injured until able to replace those parts of its body. It was even beaten down and stopped by a farmer with a truck and home-made harpoon gun. Okay, that farmer was the AWESOME Ray Wise, but this is still kind of lame.

Pumpkinhead, on the other hand, is utterly impervious to any physical harm UNLESS the person who summoned it is wounded. This symbiotic relationship is both a strength and weakness. Now provided that the people who call Pumpkinhead don’t stray too close to the fray, the Creeper CANNOT beat it. Sure it can swoop around picking its shots, but should Pumpy get his claws on, um, Creepy, it would soon turn into a severe hiding.

Besides, deep inside Pumpkinhead there is some LANCE FUCKING HENRIKSEN.

Game over, man. Game over.

PINHEAD vs CANDYMAN

 (Hellraiser vs Candyman)

 

This match up between two of the more mysterious and enigmatic supernatural entities to terrify cinemagoers has a little extra spice in that both characters were born in the imagination of one Clive Barker (so there must be a slightly better chance of this one coming off?).

If you’ve read my Hellraiser review, you know how much I love Barker’s work (and if you haven’t, here it is!). Each of these characters first appeared in films based on short stories/novellas by barker, Pinhead (or Lead Cenobite as he should really be known) in The Hellbound Heart, Candyman in The Forbidden. Both are smashing by the way, as are the films. Of course, both have changed significantly since their first appearance in print. Pinhead was female and Candyman was white and stalked Liverpool rather than Chicago’s Cabrini Green. Since then both have become icons of horror cinema, thanks in no small part to their portrayal by Doug ‘Awesome’ Bradley and Totally Top Tony Todd (T⁴ for short). And it’s these icons that should throw down.

As for plotline, well, the kind of oddballs who get their thrills playing with the Lament Configuration puzzle box are probably the same sort that think it’s cool to repeat Candyman’s name in front of a mirror. If somebody did both? Let them fight for their prize!

VERDICT: These two are tough to judge because each entry of their respective franchises seems to give them vastly differing levels of power and supernatural ability. It seems that once somebody summons Candyman, they are screwed. He is immortal, impervious to damage, boasts superhuman strength, is capable of hypnotically subduing victims, baffling them with illusions, has used telekinesis and teleportation, plus he has command over the army of bees that reside within his body. Although maybe a can of Raid could help with that last one.

Pinhead is equally, well, uberbad. He has the same physical attributes in terms of strength and resistance to damage. Again he has the teleportation and ability to summon illusions. But he has two decided advantages: first, while the man formerly known as Daniel Robitaille can summon bees, Pinhead summons hooks and chains with which to mutilate his victims. Advantage Pinhead.

Second, Pinhead is the leader of the Cenobites. Demonic denizens of Hell, the Order of the Gash are at Pinhead’s command, and each boasts slightly weaker (but still impressive) versions of Pinhead’s own powers. Furthermore, Pinhead can create more cenobites from his victims. This definitely tips the scales in his favour.

In terms of weakness, both have an Achilles heel: they must both be summoned and the inanimate object used to bring them to this world can banish them. Pinhead is ALWAYS ending up worse off due to somebody using the Lament Configuration’s powers against him, while in Candyman: Farewell To The Flesh it is revealed that Robitaille’s soul remains trapped within the mirror of his former lover. It is implied that destroying the mirror will end his reign forever. But then they made Candman 3: Day of the Dead, so that kind of pisses on that bonfire. Then they said it was paintings. Next they’ll probably say his shoes must be destroyed, or something.

So who wins? God knows. I’ll court controversy and give Candyman the nod as it seems he can never truly be destroyed while his name lives in legend, whereas Pinhead has come off second best to some right plonkers. Although if Pinhead sends the hooks, chains and that awesome Chatterer-Beast cenobite after Danny boy’s shoes I may change my opinion…

FREDDY vs PENNYWISE

 (A Nightmare on Elm Street vs Stephen King’s It)

OK, let me explain myself before you flip out. I KNOW It isn’t a ‘proper’ film and is instead a two-part miniseries/TV movie adaptation of one of King’s (THE definitive modern horror author) finest works. But Pennywise (as portrayed with chilling brilliance by Tim Curry) is one of the finest horror portrayals to hit the screen. In fact, I know grown men with clown phobias brought about ENTIRELY through exposure to Pennywise at a sensitive age! Now, as for why I’d choose to bring these two into direct conflict, well, it’s ALL about their MO. During his life, Fred Krueger tortured and murdered children, but his death didn’t end his reign of terror. Instead he forged an alliance with some rather horrible dream demons and instead gained the ability to stalk his young victims in their sleep, turning their greatest fears and insecurities against them before finally dispatching them and feeding on their tormented souls. For at least one film, Krueger was a legitimately frightening bogeyman for kids to fear, but alas he soon degenerated into the wise-cracking anti-hero of the latter films. But never forget, for a while, Freddy was NIGHTMARISH.

It, the creature behind the façade of Pennywise, was an ancient and terrifying predatory interdimensional entity (revealed to be the Todash space between realities in the novel and expanded universe of King’s Dark Tower series). It targets the children of fictional town Derry, adopting an array of terrifying forms as it adopts the shape of its young victims greatest fears (the wolf man, a mummy, abusive parents etc) before dragging them down into the sewers and feeding on them.

In terms for plotting, why would they clash? Well, both are used to being alpha-predators and both are such vile horrible bastards, there’s no way anybody could possibly like either one — including each other.

VERDICT: Both of these monsters (and they are completely monstrous) boast very similar powers. Krueger can warp the very fabric of dreamscapes at will, while powered by the terrifying Deadlights, Pennywise/It can reshape itself to overpower the minds and bodies of its victims. Both have their weaknesses — Krueger’s victims must be asleep for him to be most effective, It has less power over strong, rational adult minds. However, It has proven to be able to manipulate psychologically disturbed adults, as evident in the way it was able to use Henry Bowers as its envoy to hunt the Loser’s Club. Both are equally sadistic and vile, even down to implying a definite and disturbing sexual context to the abuse victims might expect (this is far more apparent in King’s novel than the TV movie, probably to ensure the story made it past censors!).

I suppose Krueger might stand a chance during one of Pennywise’s long hibernation periods while it slumbered (especially if he could cause It’s natural spider form to dream about a truly colossal rolled up newspaper), but really I can only see one winner. It is one of the oldest and most evil beings in existence, having been around since before our world came to be. Krueger is a man that has been granted powers by demons — It IS one of the most powerful demons to ever exist. Sorry, Elm Street fans — Pennywise walks out with the W in this one.

Plus, when it comes to scares, Clowns > than Christmas jumpers. FACT.

JACK BURTON vs STUNTMAN MIKE

 (Big Trouble In Little China vs Deathproof)

 

A fun one to finish… KURT RUSSELL VS KURT RUSSELL! In this case the wisecracking hero of John Carpenter’s EPIC Big Trouble (okay, not a horror film BUT it’s John Carpenter AND it rules, so it gets a bye!) versus the charming yet deranged and sinister antagonist of Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse segment Death Proof. Both of these roles show exactly why Russell has sustained his long Hollywood career.

In short – BECAUSE HE’S AWESOME.

In terms of character, Burton is the ham-fisted, brash and cocky long distance truck driver who finds himself in over his head but never stops swinging because he’s too damned pissed off to take any of this shit!

Mike is a misogynistic lunatic who drives around in his specially modified ‘death proof’ car, using the vehicle to act out his horrific rage fuelled fantasies and kill innocent young women. Plus do the occasional John Wayne impression.

Did I mention that Kurt Russell is AWESOME?

In terms of plotting, they both drive. What if one cuts the other up on a lonely desert freeway?

The answer is Car-nage, my friends. (Sorry).

VERDICT: I see this one going down as some kind of Mad Max-esque highway warfare. Both men behind the wheels of their respective vehicles, neither giving an inch as The Porkchop Express and the Death Proof car roar towards one conclusion.

Now The Death Proof car is quite the weapon here. Head on collisions do nothing to Mike while he’s safely inside his motorised murder machine.

This is probably just as well as he's proven to be nowhere near a match physically for Burton's all-action hero.

Remember Burton has been a trucker for some time, so he'd have picked up some tricks on the roads. Plus a bloody great big truck may not be death proof, but it is still a bloody great big truck.

The way I see it, Burton comes out on top, somehow dragging Mike from the sanctuary of his murderlising motor and stomping the living shit out of him on the hard shoulder. How? Well, I'm not sure, but I imagine it would be all in the reflexes.

So that's your lot, let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Perhaps you disagree? Perhaps you think I'm bang on?

Perhaps you just want to tell me how shitty you think Pumpkinhead is?

'But wait!!!!' I hear you cry. 'You've missed out loads of big names!!! What is your problem, Hickey?!?!?'

Ok, you got me. The thing is, as I started writing these match ups it kind of took on a life of its own and soon swelled to epic size (ooh-err!)... So this list will BE CONTINUED! Expect more psycho-slasher smackdown in the days ahead. Do try to contain your excitement now, you hear?

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER: THE LINKS

‘We’re all in this together.’

That’s the line so often used in a horror film when the shit hits the fan, the bodies start piling up and each of the characters starts to eye everybody else as if they might be the axe wielding maniac/shape-shifting mutant/undead fiend in their midst.

But I wonder if they have any idea just how many other horror characters are in this together?

You see, their are a number of very cool links between horror films that suggest these films take place in the same shared ‘universe’.

That's right, the teenagers in this universe REALLY have a lot to worry about.

So where to start? A good jumping on point would be Friday the 13th IX: Jason Goes To Hell.

While the film is pretty ropy, it’s got a couple of lovely references. One of the best is that when Steven goes poking around in the old Voorhees house, we catch sight of a certain book that should be all too familiar to horror fans: the Evil Dead’s Naturan Demonata AKA Necronomicon Ex-Mortis AKA The Book of the Dead! (This is already a direct reference to the literary works of H.P. Lovecraft, one of the greatest horror authors in history)

Quite what it's doing there isn’t exactly explained.

Fans of completely unfounded conjecture (and who ISN’T?) have suggested that maybe the cabin in the woods that housed Professor Knowby’s research into Kandarian demons isn’t too far from Camp Crystal Lake. Another rather cute theory suggests that Pamela Voorhees herself may have used the resurrection incantations within the book to bring back her son after he was drowned as a child.

These are both beautiful theories, but unfortunately neither has a shred of evidence to support them!

In fact, the Voorhees house seems to be kind of a dumping ground for horror artifacts. The rather decrepit basement is shown to house a large packing crate. On the side you can read the words ‘ARCTIC EXPEDITION JULIA CARPENTER HORLICKS UNIVERSITY’.

‘So what?’ you may ask. Well, it just so happens that this is the same box from the story ‘The Crate’ in Creepshow. A nice touch here is that in Creepshow, Professor Northrup disposed of the crate by throwing it in a nearby lake. Could that lake have been Crystal Lake?

The stories in Creepshow all take place in the same cinematic world (that within the pages of the Creepshow comic book). In this case, it’s worth noting that in the segment ‘The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill’ a road sign can be seen to Castle Rock, one of Stephen King’s trademark fictional towns (alongside Derry). Any fan of King knows that all of his work seems to be interlinked via a complex threadwork of connections, shared appearances and characters (not least of which his frankly SUPERB Dark Tower series). So how’s that for a cool link, people? This horror universe is also home to the master of modern horror's nightmarish creations!

Of course, King’s work has already provided links to other creations. In smash TV show Lost a parachute is seen emblazoned with the logo of Nozz-A-La, a fictional brand of soda from The Dark Tower series. JJ Abrams, Lost’s creator, is known for tying in links between his works. The fictional brand Slusho appears in a number of Abram’s works: Alias, Cloverfield, Fringe, Super 8, his Star Trek reboot and even in the TV show Heroes! The Lost character Charlie’s band, Driveshaft, can be heard playing their hit song ‘You All Everybody’ at a birthday party in Alias; the logo for Lost’s mysterious Dharma Initiative is viewed on the screen in Cloverfield. Furthermore, Oceanic Airlines, the airline of Lost’s crashed plane makes an appearance in a number of programmes, including Abram’s own Fringe (the specific flight 815 is name-checked in Chuck while the airline is also referenced in the film Executive Decision, Joss Whedon’s comic book season 8 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and even the computer game Dead Island. However, I am not going to open this list up to games, as it will become never ending! I’ll just give honorable mentions to the two Saw games which actually help to fill in some plot gaps and perfectly complement the films and the fact that a certain Freddy Krueger has appeared as a downloadable player in the Mortal Kombat series). A superb horror/sci fi hybrid, Fringe boasts links to two of its greatest predecessors.

One of the very coolest occurs in the episode ‘Firefly’ Walter is seen wearing a pair of very distinctive sunglasses. When asked about them, he replies: ‘They were sent to me by a Dr. Jacoby from Washington State.'

The classic series Twin Peaks took place in the town of Twin Peaks, Washington. The town’s resident psychiatrist Dr Lawrence Jacoby wore these very same glasses. It appears the two were once in correspondence!

And in the season 2 episode ‘New Day In An Old Town’ Senator Schell tells head of Fringe Division Chief Broyles that ‘The old X designation, and your Fringe investigations, have been indulgences in the Federal budget for over half a century’. A Federal investigation team dealing with paranormal and unusual cases? With the X designation? Who ever could they mean?

Of course, this is a none-to subtle reference to The X Files. The X Files itself was linked to multiple other shows, most notably spinoff The Lone Gunmen and LANCE FUCKING HENRIKSEN’s Millennium. The character of Jose Chung appears in both series while LFH’s Frank Black took a decent guest appearance in the X Files episode Millennium.

Coincidentally, online rumours persist that photos of Laura Palmer, the murder victim who sparked the events of Twin Peaks, have appeared in The X Files (most notably on Mulder’s noteboard in the Pilot). I’ve never been able to spot them, but if any of you do, let me know!

Anyway, enough of this distraction let’s head back to Jason Goes To Hell, where a key plot point sees Duke present Jessica with a mystical dagger to finally kill Jason. This dagger was the same Kandarian dagger that put in an appearance in The Evil Dead II.

AWESOME.

As a neat aside, I’d like to point out that outside the Voorhees house we see a rickety old climbing frame. This is the same frame from the Alfred Hitchcock classic, The Birds.

At this point I need to take a little break to tell you guys I LOVE THIS SHIT.

Ahem, anyway, moving on, while this world of brilliance may already seem crazily busy, we have a couple more cool connections. One you probably already know, the other, well, it’s a little subtler.

You see, after Jessica kicks Steve out of the car Sheriff Landis asks where about on Lake Road she did it. Her reply? ‘I don’t know, out past the Myers’ place.’

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, I’m sure you all know that the psychotic Michael Myers was the villain in the Halloween films. While Camp Crystal Lake clearly isn't in Haddonfield, Illinois (the setting of Myers’ Halloween rampages) perhaps Mikey has family in Mr Voorhees old stamping ground?

The final (and most obvious) connection to another horror film takes place in the final moments of the film. While Jason’s mask lies discarded on the ground, a hand bursts through the dirt and snatches it before dragging it down to hell. This hand is wearing an all too familiar glove with knife blade claws.

In much the same way that an Alien xenomorph’s skull hanging on display onboard a Predator spacecraft in Predator II leads to Alien vs Predator, from this scene the surprisingly great Freddy vs Jason was born.

Now the Alien and Predator series are huge kings of the crossover. First off the numerous comic book match ups — including 2000A.D’s Judge Dredd and DC heroes such as Batman and Superman — open up a huge world of cross overs including Image Comics’ Spawn, rivals Marvel and tonnes more! 

Perhaps the most exciting of these though, is the link to the works of Joss Whedon. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off, Angel featured a demonic law firm by the name of Wolfram and Hart. During a corporate video shown on the episode Harm’s Way it is revealed that Wolfram and Hart have a number of large corporate clients. Listed among these are Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems, first mentioned in the Thomas Pynchon’s novel V, then referenced again in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. Another company listed with ties to Wolfram and Hart is Weyland-Yutani. That’s right, the self same company that sent the Nostromo into space in Alien and went looking for the crashed ship on LV-426 in Aliens. The company founded by Peter Weyland as seen in the upcoming Prometheus.

HOLY CRAP, right?

But it doesn’t stop there. Whedon’s work continues to embrace this connection. In the pilot of the criminally short-lived sci fi show Firefly, Captain Malcolm ‘Mal’ Reynolds uses a UA 57-D Ground Sentry (an anti-aircraft cannon emplacement) at the Battle of Serenity Valley. When the gun’s HUD is displayed onscreen we are clearly shown the corporate logo of Weyland-Yutani. The Company created the cannon. BOOM!

Yet Joss Whedon toys with us and horror continuity even more. This is some thing we shall return to later.

Anyway, back to F vs J, and if ever there was evidence that these films are taking place in the same world, a film in which two of the most popular antagonists in horror go head to head is the greatest example.

Seeing Voorhees and Krueger face off was a dream come true for many horror fans... and things nearly got so much better.

After the film proved to be a tremendous financial success, writers went to work on ideas for a sequel. This sequel? Freddy vs Jason vs Ash.

Ash.

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL's character from the Evil Dead series.

OMFG.

Things even got so far that a treatment was drawn up, describing exactly what would happen in this horror mega mash up. A quick look online will probably turn it up in just a few seconds. I'll wait here while you do.

Back? Good.

Unfortunately the film was never made, but this treatment was adapted into a comic series and even spawned a sequel. It was pretty good fun too!

Of course, this isn’t the first horror property to head to the pages of funny books. Voorhees, Krueger, Ash and Myers have all had their own individual efforts, but some familiar faces join them. One more big name bad guy to feature in comics would be the Goodguy doll formerly known as Charles Lee Ray. That’s right, Child's Play's Chucky.

As well as featuring in his own limited series, Chucky also guested in probably THE greatest horror comic out there, Tim Seeley’s Hack/Slash.

For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it features Cassie Hack, a girl who was forced to kill her own psycho mother, the ghoulish Lunch Lady, and her hulking partner Vlad. These two tough as hell heroes travel from town to town taking on and vanquishing Slashers, the undead and seemingly invincible villains that all too often stalk the screens in horror films. The series is excellent and features it’s own links to other horror icons. As well as Chucky, Cassie and Vlad have thrown down with another horror comic star, Edgar Dill from the short-lived Fangoria Comic's BUMP. In terms of silver screen villains, the dynamic duo have also crossed swords with the Hatchet films’ Victor Crowley and, perhaps even more exciting, Dr Herbert West from the Re-Animator series (as an aside, West also battled the Evil Dead’s Ash in Army of Darkness vs Re-Animator while Ash has found himself battling undead superheroes in the Marvel Zombies series).

Of course, if comics aren’t your thing, Chucky also has onscreen links to more of his contemporaries. These all occur during his fourth outing, Bride of Chucky.

This mainly comes down to one key scene at the beginning of the film. In the police evidence storeroom that holds Chucky’s remains, we are also treated to a number of key distinctive props: Jason Voorhees’ hockey mask can be seen alongside Freddy Krueger’s trademark glove. Elsewhere you can spot a huge chainsaw, the killing weapon of choice of Leatherface from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and a customised white William Shatner mask... as worn by Halloween’s Michael Myers.

As if this treasure trove of links wasn’t enough, after brutally slaying one victim with a nailgun, Chucky looks at the corpse and asks out loud: ‘Why does that look so familiar?’ With his head pierced by multiple nails, John Ritter’s victim bears a striking resemblance to the lead Cenobite from the Hellraiser films, Pinhead.

The implication here is clearly that Chucky has seen Pinhead before. Perhaps Charles Lee Ray's soul received some personal attention from the Cenobites in the underworld? (Coincidentally, an earlier draft of the script for Freddy vs Jason saw the two horror villains dragged down to Hell where they still attempted to continue their battle... right up until a number of hooks and chains drag them apart and Pinhead steps between them to ask: ‘Gentlemen, what seems to be the problem?’)

But Bride of Chucky isn’t the only film to write itself into the big boys’ league. Perhaps the most awesome and comprehensive young pretender to do this would be Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. If you haven’t seen it, WATCH THIS FILM!

A kickass deconstruction of the slasher genre, the film follows a documentary crew as they film the title character Leslie Vernon as he plans his rampage to join the ranks of his idols: Myers, Voorhees et al.

The film takes place in a world where these horror film monsters are real and gives us plenty of links to prove it. These include (but aren’t limited to): Leslie standing outside the Rabbit in Red Lounge — in the original Halloween when Dr Loomis travels to Smith’s Grove Sanitarium with Marion Chambers, she lights her cigarettes with matches from the Rabbit in Red Lounge (In Rob Zombie’s remake the bar is revealed to be a strip joint where Michael’s mother Deborah worked. Quite what this says about Nurse Chambers is entirely up to you to decide…); in her documentary, Taylor name checks Haddonfield, Illinois; 1428 Elm Street (Nancy’s address), Springwood and Crystal Lake; the Lament Configuration (Lemarchand’s puzzle box from Hellraiser) can be seen in Leslie’s mentor, Eugene’s house; in fact Eugene’s car is a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 — the same car used in the Evil Dead and all the rest of Sam Raimi’s films; when Leslie is stalking his prey outside the school the three Elm Street skipping girls can be seen in the background; a bottle of ‘Stay Awake’, the medicine from A Nightmare on Elm Street can be seen in Leslie’s home; Leslie’s pet turtles Church and Zowie are an allusion to two of the pets in the Pet Sematary films; and in a deleted scene from the film Leslie mentions that he has ‘spent some time in Texas, helping a friend kind of reinvent his thing’ — this is a reference to the remake of Texas Chain Saw Massacre (the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, see what they did there?) and suggests that Leslie and Leatherface are friends.

Phew, let’s take a breath while you take all of that in.

Back? Good, because it doesn’t end there! In Hatchet 2, one of Reverend Zombie’s hunting party reveals that his hometown had it’s own psycho killer, much like their intended target, Victor Crowley. This killer’s name?

Leslie Vernon.

NICE.

But that’s not the only connection in Hatchet 2. For those of you who haven’t seen Green’s Frozen, the film about a group of friends who become stranded on a ski lift, look away now…

SPOILERS: Parker, the sole survivor of Frozen is shown recounting her ordeal on a news programme on the TV in the background.

Of course Green isn’t the only director to deliberately link his films. With interconnectivity and crossovers in everything from Charles Band’s numerous Full Moon titles, including Puppet Master, Doll Man and Demonic Toys, to ‘Bloody’ Bill Pon’s Dollboy and Circus of the Dead sharing characters, this is a very common practice. A quick link can be spotted between the Saw series and writer and director Leigh Whannell and James Wan’s Dead Silence. In the theatre that the terrifying, tongue-stealing witch Mary Shaw made her home, Billy, Jigsaw’s creepy ventriloquist’s dummy is quite clearly shown nestled among Shaw’s collection of puppets.

Furthermore Billy the puppet’s face can be seen in graffiti on a wall in Wan’s Death Sentence, while in the creepy Insidious Billy can be seen drawn on a blackboard in Josh’s classroom. Insidious also depicts a certain mask used to travel into the dream world… this mask is the very same worn by the title character in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comic series. Now, if we’re allowing the comic connections, Sandman has links to Hellblazer’s John Constantine and Swamp Thing. Of course Swamp Thing has his ties to the Justice League, who, featuring Batman and Superman can now link us back to the Alien/Predator world and their link to Joss Whedon’s work.

A-ha, THAT man again. And don’t worry, I hadn’t forgot. Soooo… this is where I’m going to discuss some spoilers to his recent Cabin In The Woods.

If you haven’t seen this film look away! You do NOT want it spoiled.

SERIOUSLY.

Still here?

Sure you’ve seen it and are ready for the discussion to come?

On your head be it…

SPOILERS: the main plot of The Cabin In The Woods follows a worldwide conspiracy in which all major and common horror stories are part of an elaborate conspiracy to pacify Lovecraftian (him again!) Ancient Gods and prevent them from destroying our world.

The climax of the film features all manner of hideous horror filmesque bad guys running amok. Among these you can see a Reaver, the insane space wildmen from Whedon’s own Firefly… bringing this film into that world too.

Now this is all well and good and under this framework you could argue that ALL the other horror films tie into it.

But that’s not enough for you? ‘None of the actual horror villains are mentioned!’ I hear you cry!

WRONG. The employees of the mysterious conspiracy take bets on what form the sacrifice will take each year. As part of this pool all the creatures’ names are jotted down on a whiteboard.

Among the Vampires, Merman and Dolls there are a couple of other interesting names… Angry Molesting Tree and (even more specific) Deadites.

The very same name given to the possessed villains of the Evil Dead.

The same Evil Dead that boast BRUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL’s Ash character, plus the Necronomicon I mentioned that made a guest appearance all the way back at the beginning of this piece in Jason Goes To Hell.

So that’s just about EVERYTHING drawn together. Thank you, thank you very much.

Before I wrap up, I’d just like to point out one more connection. Not a link, so much as a crazy paradox. In the first Scream, Randy’s character is clearly seen to be watching Halloween on TV. In the world of Scream, Halloween is fiction… yet in the Halloween sequel H2O, the characters are shown watching Scream 2. So Scream is fiction in the world of Halloween? But events in Halloween are commented on in the previous film? Or maybe both worlds are viewing each other through the TV screen!

MINDFUCK!!!!!!!

Anyway, of course with the links I’ve listed it’s entirely possible to dismiss some or even find a few that I have undoubtedly missed. The ongoing continuity of such epic, ongoing stories is BOUND to cause problems trying to balance each timeline.

But that’s the fun of these films. Of course they don’t exist in an actual, physical universe. Their home is the imagination of the people that create them and the people that love the genre: us, the fans.

So what do you think? Have I missed anything obvious? Reached a little too far with some? Drop a comment or two and I’ll update this regularly.

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Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.