RAW REVIEW: PAY THE GHOST

Of all the actors to turn away from a very successful mainstream Hollywood career to take on genre projects, Nicolas Cage is far and away one of the most talented.
Sure, his work in the ill-advised Wicker Man remake was the subject of plenty of internet jokes, but this is the same man who starred in the fantastic Raising Arizona and scooped a host of acting awards for Leaving Las Vegas, before reinventing himself as an action hero in three of the biggest (and best) Hollywood action films of the late Nineties: The Rock; Face/Off; and Con Air.
Hollywood's loss has become our gain, and we've had strong outings in the likes of Ghostrider and Drive Angry in recent years, which have both been daft but great fun.
Now Cage returns to horror with Uli Edel's Pay The Ghost, a creepy story that emerged just in time to tie in with its Halloween setting.

PAY THE GHOST (2015)

Dir: Uli Edel
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Sarah Wayne Callies, Jack Fulton, Lyriq Bent, Veronica Ferres, Stephen McHattie, Lauren Beatty, Kalie Hunter

SPEEDY SYNOPSIS: I'll try not to spoil too much here, but read on at your own risk.

Mike Lawford (Cage) is a university lecturer who works all hours in an effort to secure a promotion that will provide a significant payrise, affording a far more comfortable life to Mike, his wife Kristen (Callies) and their young son Charlie (Fulton).

However, the increased workload means that Mike is often forced to miss key family occasions, leaving Charlie regularly disappointed.

After the latest of these sees Mike get home too late to go trick or treating with Kristen and Charlie, he instead offers to take his son to a nearby Halloween parade.

The two head into the bustling crowd and, after seeing an ominous cloaked figure and circling buzzards, Charlie whispers: 'Can we pay the ghost?', before promptly disappearing into the ether.

Frantic, Mike desperately dashes around the parade to find his son, but to no avail. Later a policeman informs Mike that most missing children cases are resolved within 24 hours.

One year later, Charlie is still missing. 
Mike and Kristen's relationship has crumbled, with her blaming him for the loss of their child. Mike has recently returned to work under the careful guidance of friend and colleague Hannah (Ferres), but he spends most of his time researching missing children cases, reporting his findings to decent but stumped police detective Jordan (Bent) and roaming the streets of the New York, pinning up missing person posters.

All seems to be lost, until one such outing leads him to an abandoned building with the phrase 'Pay the ghost' daubed on the walls. A meeting with an enigmatic blind man (McHattie) among the small homeless community sheltering within leads him to a dingy tunnel in which the disembodied voice of a weeping woman can be heard.

From here Mike's investigation takes a new tack, and spurred on by visions of Charlie and something darker and more terrifying, he looks to uncover the haunting secret behind the raft of unsolved disappearances around on Halloween each year in the city.

Can he discover the truth? Can he save his son and, with it, his marriage? Or will Mike pay the ghost?

THE BEST BITS (mild spoiler warning): Aside from a sterling cast of faces that will be familiar to genre fans, the strongest thing about Pay the Ghost is a surprisingly deep and emotional storyline. As a father to a young son I was probably more susceptible to sympathise with Cage's Mike, but even viewers with no such emotional baggage will be hard-pressed to remain unmoved by the character's plight.

The story (by Dan Kay, adapting Tim Lebbon's novella) feels that little bit richer with emotional weight and clearly defined characters, as is so often the case with literary adaptations.

What's more, the clever and assured camerawork ensures that the tension of each scene is fully realised. Mike's desperate search for Charlie is especially powerful, hitting you straight in the gut and making his fear palpable. 

The clever camerawork is also useful during some of the scarier scenes and contributes to a couple of well-worked jumps. 

But back to that strong cast — Cage plays Mike in a far more restrained manner than some may be expecting. You could be forgiven for assuming that Mike's desperate search for Charlie will be portrayed with Cage's trademark bug-eyed manic fervour. Instead he plays Mike as a broken man — a quiet academic robbed of all joy along with his son. It's interesting to see Cage rein it in and, for the most part, it works.

Besides Cage, the Walking Dead's Callies also impresses. She does a strong line in sympathetic, vulnerable women and this a role in which she definitely plays to her strengths. She's also given a strong arc and it's easy to root for Kristen and Mike to rediscover their relationship along with their missing son.

As you might have guessed, young Fulton doesn't have a huge amount of screentime, but he's a talented young actor and doesn't put a foot wrong while he is on camera. 

Elsewhere genre veteran character actor McHattie (who has one of those 'oh, HIM! I've seen him before!' faces) is great in what amounts to little more than an extended (but very cool) cameo, while German superstar Ferres lends some strong and capable support in her role as Mike's confidante and occasional exposition-spouter.

Finally, the film delivers some decent scares. It's not just the aforementioned jumpscares, there's a lot of atmosphere, presented beautifully by cinematographer Sharone Meir. With a seedy, rundown urban feel à la Candyman, there are also some creatively spooky flourishes along the way. Rows of grinning pumpkins sit on doorsteps and in windows, the shadowy religious iconography is presented by firelight and the grim-looking buzzards make for a very nice touch, while the tattered and burnt phantom at the heart of proceedings provides some decent chills.

With a story that takes in witchcraft and the practice of pagan rituals that date back to long before the birth of the city that currently bears their curse, it's a heady and spooky tale full of Halloween seasonal atmosphere. I very much expect it to become a TV regular in late October in the years ahead.

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): Sadly, while I enjoyed the cast of Pay the Ghost, not all of them were given much to work with. 

The super-talented Ferres is pretty much wasted in a role which is, ultimately, close to pointless.

So too was Bent, which left his character Jordan feeling like little more than a cliché used to forward a couple of minor plot points.

While Cage's Mike was far more well-rounded, I'm still not entirely sure his quieter performance was the right move. If a horror film throws some of the things at you that this one does, you have to think that it's trying to have a little fun. Cage is incredibly downbeat in his performance. I'm not saying that I feel this was a half-arsed effort on his part (unlike some critics I've read), but I think that some scenes could have benefited from his usual, more-lively screen persona.
Finally, as I was watching Pay the Ghost, I found myself thinking: 'Wow, this is a surprisingly personal little genre film. I'm digging this!'... and then that came to a screeching halt.

I don't want to spoil the ending here, but suffice to say the climax absolutely missed the spot for me.

With a superb 'ticking-clock' plot device and following on from a genuinely unnerving set piece involving scores of supernaturally abducted children, I was really buying into it. Then, for some reason that I simply cannot fathom, the scene devolves into a massive mess of poorly executed CG that robbed the closing moments of all the drama and tension that had been built during the preceding minutes.

What makes this even more galling is that I can see a practical way in which exactly the same outcome could have been delivered (one that made good use of the aforementioned spooky kids).

That the ropy CG was then followed by an eye-rolling action movie cliché — that actually provoked laughter from the crowd with whom I watched the film — was adding insult to injury.

The denouement itself was rather pleasant, but sadly my enjoyment of the film was soured somewhat by the finale.

THE VERDICT: Iffy climax aside, Pay the Ghost is a fun film that offers some nice characterisation, plenty of atmosphere and a good few frights along the way. It's not likely to top too many critics' -end-of-year 'best of…' lists, but if you're in the mood for a scary story on a quiet night in, you could do a lot worse than choosing Mr Cage for company. 
Give it a try and do let me know your thoughts in the comments below — I expect this one could prove polarising!
If you want to give Pay the Ghost a chance, you can buy it through Amazon here at a knockdown price!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House @HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

LIVE FRIGHTS: SCARENATION FRIGHTMARE

Horror comes in many forms — books and films are obviously long established sources of frights, but now there are far more immersive experiences for those seeking thrills and chills.
In recognition of this blossoming trend, I'm going to attend as many of these attractions as I can throughout the year and I'll post a brief review of my experiences here.
First up, a local Haunt — Apsley's Scarenation: Frightmare.

SCARENATION: FRIGHTMARE (October 2015)

Location: Frogmore Paper Mill, Apsley
Tickets: £25

Now in its 5th year, the annual Scarenation event returns to last year's site, Frogmore Paper Mill.
However, unlike last year's long, continuous maze, this year the team behind the attraction have opted for five separate Haunts — Hollywood Horrors; Infested; Afterlife; Freak Show; and The Puppeteer.
After a brief wait outside the tremendously atmospheric building (the world's oldest mechanised paper mill) the Hickey's House of Horrors party were granted access to the site. From outside we were able to see each of the five entrances (and, more importantly, spot which Haunt attracted the largest group of rowdy teens), then, after a brief chat with a ghoulish, urbane host in a victorian-style suit, we made our first choice — Freak Show.

FREAK SHOW
Coulrophobes need not apply! After a brief introduction from an intimidating lace and leather-clad ringmistress, we were led into the funhouse-style interior of the maze. Numerous grease-paint and mask sporting clowns were on hand to ensure we were never able to relax, regularly peering through windows or popping through curtains when we least expected it, while a brief sojourn through a ball pool was a fantastic addition, as too was a great and startling flourish towards the end.
In retrospect, this may have even been my favourite of the mazes and rest assured, whether you're the fearless leader or 'cowering-at-the- back' type, nowhere is safe from the clowns.

From here we popped straight next door to Infested, where a fantastic creepy little host did a superb job of getting us all on edge before we'd even walked through the door (singling out the female in our party for 'special attention') before revealing the creepy backwoods/countryside theme of the attraction and then sending us inside.

INFESTED
Starting in narrow winding corridors filled with weeds and overhanging branches, the constant drone of flies makes the initial stages of the Haunt pretty nerve-wracking… but that's nothing compared to the point at which you are plunged into total darkness and have to navigate your way through a twisty, turning course using a length of hosepipe as your only guide. Needless to say, you aren't alone in the dark and a sudden appearance from a torch-wielding scarer with a mass of spiders on her face caused one of the most memorable jumps of the night. It was a pretty good section of maze, however, a group of girls behind us seemed to reach hysteria pretty quickly and I felt the actors went a little easy on us all from that point.
However, Infested is not just one maze. After a brief pause in a waiting room during which another wonderfully creepy host warned us about the 'freaks' in the following section, we were sent on our way once more. This time there was lighting and if the actors had gone easy on us before, the hooded, insect covered young man who served as both guide and chief-tormentor on this section was certainly not as restrained. He clearly knew his craft and had the leader of our group (ahem) yelping and cowering multiple times. This section also boasted arguably the most striking nightmarish image of the evening, before finishing with another top drawer flourish.

Back into the open air and time for another chat with the devilishly good, grey-suited Victorian host. He suggested a change of pace — maybe we should give Hollywood Horrors a go?
Who were we to argue?

HOLLYWOOD HORRORS
Inspired by iconic films that have haunted moviegoers for decades, this maze (which was possibly the most well-lit of the Haunts) boasted a series of recognisable horror movie scenes, all with a little added interactivity.
The host for this Haunt was the most chatty (and least in-character) who gave us a brief rundown of the rules (plus a series of risque gags, including a couple which poked gentle fun at my physique!) before sending us on our way.
I shan't spoil the films from which this Haunt drew inspiration, but will say there are some very well-known titles here. There was a small disappointment when it seemed as if a certain character was sadly absent from the scene in which he should appear, but this was more than made up for by the superb bit of misdirection in another section that had all of our group asking as one: 'Where the Hell did SHE come from?'. 
What's more, there were a pair of great actresses who managed to freak out EVERYBODY who crossed paths with them. The final scene also deserves praise for the effortless way in which it incorporates the industrial setting to maximum effect.
This was good fun, but slightly less extreme than the other mazes of the evening. It's great for film-buffs and is the Haunt that I'd suggest attendees visit first on a trip to Frightmare.

Three down, two to go, and now we decided to brave the 'most extreme' of the mazes — Afterlife.
As we stood there, all more than a little anxious about the 'extremity' of the maze, our bespectacled creepy bug host from Infested once again made an appearance, proceeding to scare the living daylights out of a young girl in the queue ahead of us. Top work!

AFTERLIFE
We were warned in advance that any physical impairments or claustrophobia could make this one unbearable, then kitted out in kneepads and work gloves.
Needless to say, we were pretty nervous. 
Then the leader of the group with which we were travelling was fitted with a head-torch and a small hatch was slid open at ground level.
You see, Afterlife is a Haunt through which you are forced to crawl on your hands and knees.
At first this was pretty terrifying, with actors lurking behind curtains and growling, howling and croaking (as well as seizing hands and other extremities when you least expect it). However, a small flaw was soon exposed. Our group was combined with another to make it a more appropriate size. Alas, the first group (including the torch wearer) shot away into the maze of tunnels, leaving the stragglers of our group far behind. 
Soon we became hopelessly lost in total darkness. This was definitely creepy, however, I became so discombobulated that I ended up taking one of the tunnels for the scarers and wound up lost behind the scenes!
Eventually it became a bit of a slog and a maze that should have taken just 10 minutes took me closer to 25 to successfully navigate! 
A great idea for a maze, some superb frights (there are holes in the ceiling that the scarers use to full effect) but perhaps some kind of harness or 'hold the ankle of the person in front' rule could be utilised to prevent those as dopy as myself from wandering astray!

So, sweaty from the exertions of Afterlife we made our way out into the cool night air once again before heading to our final maze — The Puppeteer. A friendly security guard chatted with us, filled us in on the rules of the Haunt, then sent us into the plastic wrapped domain of The Puppeteer and his creations.

THE PUPPETEER
A more typical Haunt, consisting of security fencing to create a 'track' wrapped in sheets of plastic (with plenty hanging down to obscure the way ahead), this haunt used a clever combination of grisly mannequins and actors to keep the attendees on edge. The actors here all took on far more deranged and lively personas than in the other mazes, regularly singing, shrieking and laughing hysterically. What's more a highly efficient scare section involving strobe-lighting and a pigtailed 'dummy' that doesn't want to be left behind was genuinely creepy and had me shuffling forward a little faster than I needed to! 
In fact, here, more than anywhere, the person at the back had the most to deal with as the Puppeteer's creations love their new playmates so much they regularly fall in behind the group and continue tormenting you.
The final reveal of the Puppeteer was perhaps a little underwhelming, but the set-up of the last scene was such that it gave us all one last jolt before we burst out into the cold October night air.

VERDICT
Scarenation: Frightmare is a fantastic attraction and each of my group spoke glowingly about our experience afterwards.
With refreshments and toilets on site, basic amenities are taken care of and, at a little under two-hours, you get plenty of 'Boo!' for your buck. This was my first time at a Scarenation event, but it's safe to say that it won't be my last. For those of you in the area, this is a fantastic seasonal scare and well worth your time. Check it out!

Scarenation: Frightmare is running until Saturday 31 October.
You can buy tickets to the attraction at the official Scarenation website here.
Visit their official Facebook page for more info. Give it a Like while you're there too, share the love!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House @HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

ALL THE WEEK'S HORROR HEADLINES (15th–22nd June)

Not got time to trawl the web for all the top horror news of the last week? Well allow me to give you a bite-size breakdown of the all biggest nightmarish news!

1. MICHAEL MYERS RETURNS

Easily the biggest news of the past seven days — a new Halloween film, entitled Halloween Returns, is coming. It is a direct sequel to the original movies (ignoring Rob Zombie's remake continuity), will de written and directed Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunston, the creative team behind several Saw sequels, the Collector films and Guillermo Del Toro's Pacific Rim, and will feature the return of Deputy Gary Hunt, who is now the sheriff of Haddonfield.

That's a lot to digest, am I right?

Read Bloody Disgusting's stories here, here and here.

2. FATHER MURDER REVEALED

Want to know what Malcolm McDowell's villainous Father Murder will look like in Rob Zombie's 31?

THAT's what he'll look like! KInd of a demented panto dame vibe? I'm down with this!

3. NEIL GAIMAN’S AMERICAN GODS COMING TO STARZ

Brian Fuller, the TV guru behind the incredible Hannibal will work with Michael Green to bring Neil Gaiman's superb novel, American Gods, to the small screen. HO-LEE SHIT.

Read the press release below:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

STARZ GIVES GREEN LIGHT TO “AMERICAN GODS” FROM FREMANTLEMEDIA NORTH AMERICA

#CastingShadow BEGINS!

Bryan Fuller and Michael Green to Serve as Showrunners on the New Scripted Drama Series Based on Neil Gaiman’s Blockbuster Novel

Beverly Hills, Calif. - June 16, 2015 – Starz has given a greenlight to FremantleMedia North America’s (FMNA) adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s acclaimed contemporary fantasy novel American Gods. Bryan Fuller (“Hannibal,” “Pushing Daisies,” “Heroes”) and Michael Green (“The River,” “Kings,” “Heroes”), will pen and showrun the series. Gaiman will also executive produce the series. FremantleMedia North America will produce. Start of production is dependent on casting the lead role of “Shadow Moon.”

Starz CEO Chris Albrecht said, “STARZ is committed to bring American Gods to its legions of fans. With our partners at FremantleMedia and with Bryan, Michael and Neil guiding the project, we hope to create a series that honors the book and does right by the fans, who have been casting it in their minds for years. The search for Shadow begins today!”

Commented Neil Gaiman, "I am thrilled, ‎scared, delighted, nervous and a ball of glorious anticipation. The team that is going to bring the world of American Gods to the screen has been assembled like the master criminals in a caper movie: I'm relieved and confident that my baby is in good hands. Now we finally move to the exciting business that fans have been doing for the last dozen years: casting our Shadow, our Wednesday, our Laura..."

Commented Bryan Fuller and Michael Green, “Almost 15 years ago, Neil Gaiman filled a toy box with gods and magic and we are thrilled to finally crack it open and play. We're grateful to have STARZ above us and FremantleMedia at our backs as we appease the gods, American or otherwise."

Craig Cegielski, Co-CEO, FremantleMedia North America said “’American Gods’ has been the passion project for us at FMNA since Stefanie Berk brought this exceptional piece of literature to the company when she joined two years ago. Chris, Carmi and the entire team at Starz are committed partners, sharing the same creative vision and ambition for this series. Neil’s novel is a brilliant work of art, and together with the talented Bryan Fuller and Michael Green, we are committed to delivering a series that is nothing short of extraordinary.”

The 2001 novel has been translated into over 30 languages and earned numerous accolades including Hugo, Nebula and Bram Stoker Awards for Best Novel. The plot posits a war brewing between old and new gods: the traditional gods of biblical and mythological roots from around the world steadily losing believers to an upstart pantheon of gods reflecting society’s modern love of money, technology, media, celebrity and drugs. Its protagonist, Shadow Moon, is an ex-con who becomes bodyguard and traveling partner to Mr. Wednesday, a conman but in reality one of the older gods, on a cross-country mission to gather his forces in preparation to battle the new deities.

FremantleMedia North America’s Craig Cegielski and Stefanie Berk will executive produce the series along with Bryan Fuller, Michael Green and Neil Gaiman. Senior Vice President of Original Programming Ken Segna will be the Starz executive in charge of “American Gods.” Starz will retain all network pay TV and SVOD rights to the project. FremantleMedia will distribute the series worldwide.

4. V/H/S's 'I LIKE YOU' GIRL GETS A FEATURE

What was the best segment of the first V/H/S? 
Why, it was David Bruckner's Amateur Night with Lily the creepy 'I like you'-girl, of course! So, I'm pretty intrigued to hear that Chiller will be producing a feature length adaptation of that segment called Siren. Can it sustain that level of tension over a far longer running time? It'll be interesting to see.

Read Aint It Cool's story here.

5. FIRST FEAR THE WALKING DEAD PROMO HITS THE WEB

THIS.

6. NEW RELEASES

There are two massive releases this week, both of which you'll be seeing reviewed here at the House VERY, VERY soon.

First, Aussie slasher flick, Charlie's Farm has been getting rave reviews down under. Starring the gigantic Nathan Jones, along with the likes of Tara Reid, Kane Hodder and Bill Moseley, this is a lean mean brutal film.
Buy it at Amazon here.

 Also this week, we get to check out the much-anticipated Digging Up The Marrow. A cool as hell mockumentary from Adam Green (director of Hatchet), this film takes a look at monsters in mythology and what could possibly have inspired these legends and art… 
Buy it at Amazon here.

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

THE WEEK’S HORROR HEADLINES (9th–16th February)

Not got time to trawl the web for all the top horror news of the last week? Well allow me to give you a bite-size breakdown of the all biggest nightmarish news!

1. DETAILS RELEASED ON NEW HALLOWEEN MOVIE

There's FINALLY a new Halloween movie on the way!
It‘s being described as a 'recalibration' rather than a remake or reboot (I’ve no idea what that means, either), but most exciting, it's being written by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunston, the creative team behind several of the Saw movies and The Collector/Collection!
Read Bloody Disgusting’s story here. 

2. NEW LEADS ANNOUNCED TO BATTLE THE EVIL DEAD ALONGSIDE ASH

Ray Santiago and Dana DeLorenzo have been cast to co-star with horror legend Bruce Campbell in Starz’s Ash vs Evil Dead. It seems that the showrunners are adding some younger eye-candy to work with Campbell, but, as long as they‘re 'Groovy’, I’m down with that!
Read Fangoria’s story here. 

3. RESIDENT EVIL HD REMAKE SETS NEW RECORDS

Capcom have announced that the new Resident Evil HD Remaster is the fastest selling digital download in the company’s history in both Europe and North America. 
I’ve not polayed the game yet, but I've heard nothing but good things about the latest (oldest?) outing from the king of Survival Horror.
Seems there’s still life in the undead after all. Now how about an RE2 Remaster?

4. BLOMKAMP’S ALIEN ONE STEP NEARER TO REALITY?

Neill Blomkamp, director of District 9 and Elysium, may get the chance to make his dream Alien movie after all! After sharing a tonne of concept art earlier this year (most of it very, very cool indeed!), it seems Fox are keen to sit down and listen to his ideas. Whether this would come to fruition after Ridley Scott’s Prometheus sequel, remains to be discovered, but Blomkamp has already shown real sci-fi vision, so this is one to watch out for!
Read Collider’s story here. 

5. SCREAM QUEENS TEASER IS HERE!
Ryan Murphy (he of American Horror Story and Glee fame) has released the teaser trailer for his new series, Scream Queens, a horror-comedy starring none other than slasher movie icon Jamie Lee Curtis and AHS and Scream 4’s Emma Roberts.
Watch it below!

6. NEW THIS WEEK

If there‘s only one film to check out this week, it’s the long-awaited home release of The Babadook. You can read my review of the film right here, and you can pick up your copy from Amazon right here.

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

So here we go, the third part of a long and drawn out series investigating the phenomenon of Versus films in the horror genre.

The first gave us some background, the second proposed some fun match ups including Jason Voorhees vs Victor Crowley, Pinhead vs Candyman and Freddy vs Pennywise.

In that same spirit, here are some more fantasy fisticuffs for your delectation.

In the immortal words of the guy from Street Fighter II this time…

FIGHT!

ASH vs THE TALLMAN

(The Evil Dead vs Phantasm)

I’ll be honest here, I would have happily placed Ashley J Williams (Housewares) vs just about ANY of the major horror icons. Ash (as played by the inimitable BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL) is the bumbling, loud-mouthed, big-headed hero of the Evil Dead trilogy, going from pretty lame sissy in the first, darker and more horrifying film, and transforming over the second to the walking quote machine of Army of Darkness. He walks tall, he talks loud and he carries a boomstick.

The Tallman on the other hand is the enigmatic antagonist of the Phantasm series. A being from another dimension, he has a host of powers and commands and army of evil followers including zombie like gravers, shapeshifters, dwarf slaves created from the bodies of the recently deceased and, most famously, the deadly flying spheres.

Little is known about the Tallman as his full story has yet to be told, but it is known that he has a plan and is slowly cutting a swathe across the United States, leaving several small towns obliterated in his wake.

As an interesting aside, the much anticipated Phantasm’s End was rumoured to feature BRUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL. It’s just a real shame that it never came to be.

As for a plotline that could create this match up — most of you will be familiar with the ‘slept too long’ ending of Army of Darkness. What if the post-apocalyptic future in which Ash awoke was the Plague Zone of Phantasm’s End? Imagine Ash and Phantasm stalwart Reggie teaming up as they realise that the Necronomicon ex Mortis contains the way to close the gateways to the Tall Man’s home world… while the Tall Man himself realises the destruction that he could wreak if he were to seize possession of the Book of the Dead…

VERDICT: It should seem a pretty open and shut case this one. Ash’s key strengths seem to be, well, a decent if not great understanding of basic science subjects, an ability to take a bloody good hiding and, well, bravado.

The Tall Man on the other hand has shown superhuman strength, resiliency to damage, an ability to rise from the dead, psychic powers of illusion, a knowledge of hugely advanced alien technology and has command of an entire inter-dimensional army of slaves and killing machines.

But Ash wins. Why? Because those two words will ALWAYS be the conclusion. ASH WINS.

Whether through luck, sheer gutsy determination or maybe, maybe even skill, Ash is the last man standing, covered in gore, extremely pissed off and probably wielding a chainsaw. He’s the Chosen One… and I choose him.

HANNIBAL LECTER vs JOHN DOE

(Manhunter/Silence of The Lambs/Hannibal/Red Dragon/Hannibal Rising vs Se7en)

OK, my original choice to square up against Hannibal the Cannibal was Saw’s John Kramer. But as Jigsaw was SO perfectly suited to The Collector (see why here) I went back to the drawing board.

And then I came across this idea. — John Doe, Kevin Spacey’s horrifyingly creative serial killer from the brilliant Se7en.

I’m sure all of you (horror fans and those who aren’t) have heard of Hannibal Lecter. Originally a literary creation to appear in Thomas Harris’ novels Red Dragon, The Silence of The Lambs, Hannibal and Hannibal Rising, he first appeared on the big screen in Michael Mann’s adaptation of Red Dragon, Manhunter. On screen for a very short amount of time, Hannibal was portrayed by Brian Cox as a seething, simmering, psychotic. But it was another actor’s take on the role that truly took Hannibal to the masses. There’s very little I can say about Anthony Hopkins’ truly mesmerising performance in The Silence of the Lambs — it was strong enough to earn him the Best Actor Oscar with just 16 minutes of screentime. He went on to play the same character in the sequel Hannibal and the prequel, another adaptation of Red Dragon. He is both charming and intimidating; charismatic and terrifying. The character has proven such a hit that a new TV show, Hannibal, starring Mads Mikkelsen as the titular doctor has become a big hit with a second season on the way.

Jonathan Demme’s SotL is a thriller that blurs the boundaries with horror and has received tremendous critical acclaim. It is both horrifying and grittily realistic.

The same can be said of David Fincher’s Se7en. Following two detectives as they work to bring a serial killer whose murders embody the bible’s seven deadly sins, Kevin Spacey’s turn as John Doe is scene stealing.

In terms of plot, it is certainly no great stretch to imagine that Lecter would have heard of the work of Doe. In fact, the clearly disturbed Doe would certainly have required counselling at some point; a role an intrigued Lecter would certainly have relished. Doe’s ‘great work’ was punishing those that deserved punishment — Lecter himself is full of wrath, pride and (dare I say it) even gluttony (think about it…)

VERDICT: This would be the most cerebral of the clashes I’ve thought of. Both men have proven shrewd and highly intelligent, both are cunning, as displayed in the way they evade and escape from confinement as they please. Both work to their own twisted ideals, although, of the two, Lecter is the one most likely to do whatever is necessary to ensure his own survival.

Doe’s ultimate goal was to complete his work, but nobody can ever truly comprehend what Hannibal has planned.

While Doe’s strict and devout devotion to his twisted his cause and discipline and determination cannot be overlooked, I feel the advantage lies with Lecter. A shrewd and calculating player of mind games, I feel with a few well chosen words he could soon wreak havoc in the clearly tortured psyche of John Doe.

If Doe was lucky, Lecter may find a use for him and deploy him as a pawn as he did Francis Dolarhyde in Red Dragon. If he was unlucky, he’d be swallowing his own tongue and providing Hannibal with yet another course to savour with kidney beans and a nice chianti…

SADAKO vs KAYAKO

(Ring vs Ju-On/The Grudge)

I’m a big fan of the Asian horror boom over the last 15 years or so. I know it became a little overexposed, but I like it, overly familiar tropes of white clad, unkempt haired female ghosts, nonsensical twisty plots and all. So this battle brings two of the biggest heavy hitters from J-Horror head to head – Sadako Yamamura and Kayako Saeki.

Sadako is the antagonist of the film that kickstarted the whole pheneomenon, Ring (I don’t do that whole Ringu thing, it just makes my teeth itch). No, I don’t mean Samara, the little girl from the inferior US remake, I mean the ‘star’ of the cursed video tape in the original film, all the way back in 1998. Now, the film version of Sadako has a complicated past, mostly revealed during the third film in the series, the prequel, Ring 0: Birthday. Long and short of it, she was possibly fathered by some kind of sea-dwelling demon/deity. She possessed psychic abilities that enabled her to split into two distinct entities, however, one a tiny, stunted malevolent thing with incredibly dangerous powers, the others a relatively sweet girl. However, upon her death these two entities re-merged and went on a mega killing spree that culminated in her own ‘father’ walloping her over the head with an axe and throwing her down a well. From here her spirit was able to possess a VHS recorder in a hotel room built over the well and create a videotape that, upon being viewed, left the watcher cursed to die seven days later.

Okay, I didn’t say this story made any sense.

Kayako Saeki’s story on the other hand is actually kind of simple (depending on which of the THREE film series she appears in you take as canon). All three state that she was kind of an odd girl who became besotted with a man other than her husband. She kept creepy diaries in which she made it pretty obvious that she was INTO this guy. Her husband Takeo discovered this diary, lost his shit, brutally murdered her in a jealous rage, than drowned their son Toshio and the family cat Mar. This turned Kayako into one of Japan’s white robed, messy haired and terrifying onryo. Her first victim was to be her husband, from here her spirit (as well as that of Toshio and Takeo) would haunt and kill anybody that sets foot in the family home where she met her messy end.

As far as storyline reasons for these two to clash — what if somebody were to watch the tape AND enter the former Saeki family home? Long-haired, white robed, BAD CREEPINESS, that’s what!

VERDICT: As both Sadako and Kayako’s powers have never truly been explored, it’s tough to compare them. Both seem able to kill at will. They are both able to teleport to their victims and both seem pretty much impervious to harm. Kayako has her other ghostly minions to help her out (in the form of Toshio, Takeo and Mar) and seems capable of possessing her victims, as well as spiriting them away. Sadako on the other hand gets her own hands dirty, inexorably closing in on her victims and dispatching them when their allotted time comes.

I have a natural bias towards Sadako — it was the discovery of Ring that opened my eyes to the joys of J-Horror. So Sadako I choose. She’s a lot more sprightly than the malformed and badly-mangled Kayako, plus Kayako is a vengeful ghost — if the hints in Sadako’s past are to be believed, she could well be a demi-goddess of the ocean. Deities trump spirits in my book. Although Sadako really needs to go digital soon, does anybody even have a VHS recorder anymore? (That was not a question that needs answering in the comments below…)

NORMAN BATES vs GHOSTFACE

(Psycho vs Scream)

Here we have a true clash of the ages — the grandfather of the slasher genre versus the cheeky young(ish) upstart. Unless you have recently woken from a 50 year coma, I’m assuming you’ll be familiar with the tale of Norman Bates, proprietor of the Bates Motel and all around Mummy’s boy from Hitchcock’s seminal classic Psycho. Based on Robert Bloch’s novel, Bates has gone on to appear in three film sequels, a (dire) shot-for-shot remake and a new and highly acclaimed TV series. Most famously portrayed by Anthony Perkins, Bates was an eerily believable psychotic killer, influenced by his domineering mother to such a degree that (SPOILERS!) after her death he kept her body in his attic and would dress in her clothes and adopt her personality to act out her vendetta against ‘bad girls’. But of course, you know this because you haven’t spent the last half-decade beeping.

Ghostface is the name given to those under the Edvard Munch inspired costume of poor Sidney Prescott’s tormentor in the Scream series. Since first appearing in the 1996 original (SPOILERS!) no fewer than seven individuals have donned the hood and mask and gone kill-crazy around Ms Prescott. With motives ranging from revenge to seeking fame and glory, the various Ghostface killers have shown a pop-culture savvy M.O and exceptional cruelty and viciousness (plus a willingness to kill the most famous actor/actress in each instalment of the franchise!). However, despite this the iconic Ghostface distorted voice used during his various menacing phonecalls has always been provided by the same actor, one Roger L Jackson. Good work there fella!

As a lovely little aside, one of the very first Ghostface killers (SPOILERS) Billy Loomis actually quotes Norman directly in the first film with the classic line: ‘We all go a little crazy sometimes.’

NICE.

In terms of plot line, hell, I don’t know, some meta storyline involving the cast of Scream deliberately heading to the Bates Motel for a creepy party. When bodies start to pile up, the obvious culprit would be creepy Norman the manager. But what if somebody among the group is using this cover for their own plot?

VERDICT: I’m going to have to apologise here. I KNOW Norman is the first of the modern horror icons. I KNOW that without him there would be no Ghostface…

BUT Ghostface wins. Ghostface is tech savvy, has a richer and more advanced M.O. and well, the numbers game definitely favours the white masked one(s). Pretty much the only advantage Norman has is if they decide to have a wee shower before getting on with the usual slashy shenanigans they love so much. Sorry Hitchcock fans, but in this case the young upstarts walk away with the big win over crotchety old granddad Bates.

LUBDAN THE LEPRECHAUN vs SAM

(Leprechaun vs Trick ‘r Treat)

So, so, so tiny! The teeny terrors here may be small but this battle could be EPIC. I know Leprechaun is awful. It’s one of those franchises that has become a franchise for reasons I TRULY cannot comprehend. To date, the series boasts no fewer than 6 films.

SIX. WTF????

The series has seen rent a small person Warwick Davis’s (you know, the one you get when Vern Troyer is just too little) Lubdan travel from Ireland to the United States (including, ahem, Da Hood) all the way to OUTER SPACE. DOUBLE WTF?????

Mr D plays Lubdan, a forest spirit summoned to protect the gold of an ancient king. When the king died and the rest of Lubdan’s race returned to the earth, the Leprechaun could not rest, remaining to guard his gold forever.

As if that isn’t weird enough, there is a reboot/prequel on the way, Leprechaun: Origins starring WWE teeny tiny wrestler Hornswoggle. I give up.

There’s obviously an audience for these films, alas I’m not really a part of it. I will give the character and films credit for the often insane ways in which Lubdan deals with anyone who comes between him and his pot o’ gold. When it comes to creativity and fun, Lubdan is the big man.

Well, um, er, you know what I mean.

While I may not be a massive fan of the Leprechaun films, the same cannot be said of Sam’s Trick ‘r Treat (and it’s JUST ANNOUNCED sequel). Sam is a marvellous little creation. A child (or IS he?) in a custom made Halloween costume, complete with a big round burlap sack mask, he crops up enforcing the rules of Halloween, cameoing in a host of horrible tales before his true nature is revealed in the final portmanteau story. That true nature?

Sam is short for Samhain and the loveable little tyke is actually the demonic and spiritual embodiment of Halloween. He may be little, but when it comes to getting spooky, Sam packs a VERY big punch.

As for why they’d fight? Well, the Leprechaun is notoriously greedy, refusing to part with his gold. Would he refuse to offer treats to trick or treaters? If so, Sam would have something to say…

VERDICT: Despite their diminutive stature, both Lubdan and Sam are surprisingly powerful. Over the course of the Leprechaun series, Lubdan has displayed magical powers such as teleportation, levitation, telekinesis, shape-shifting, casting illusions and even an ability to create Leprechaun-human hybrids by mixing his blood with that of humans. His power is seen to increase depending on how much of his magic gold he possesses. If his magic doesn’t do the job, Lubdan has also been shown to be a deadly opponent with frightening physical attributes including: superhuman strength, resiliency to damage and even an ability to reattach severed body parts.

The pumpkin-headed Sam boasts an almost identical set of otherworldly skills and abilities. He can disappear and reappear at will, teleport, use telekinesis and even raise the dead to do his bidding. Physically he is seen to scuttle along walls and ceilings in an eerie, kid-spider fashion, plus he also demonstrates incredible strength and resiliency. Like Lubdan, he even reattaches severed body parts when necessary.

So who wins?

Well, call me biased (I am, it’s fair) but I’m going with Sam. The Leprechaun is reliant on his gold to achieve maximum power, while he has been shown to have a whole host of weaknesses including four-leafed clovers, wrought iron and a bizarre compulsion to clean shoes.

Besides he’s just A forest spirit, Sam is the spiritual embodiment of a whole pagan festival. As long as there is Halloween, there’s Sam.

And as long as there’s Halloween, I’ll be watching Trick ‘r Treat!

Speaking of Halloween…

MICHAEL vs LEATHERFACE

(Halloween vs The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)

Two proper heavyweights collide right here — the star players of two huge horror franchises, the monstrous madmen that star in quite possibly the two greatest slasher films EVER. The reason for pairing these two in an epic confrontation should be all too apparent – they really aren’t too far apart at all.

Michael Myers is the William Shatner masked antagonist of Halloween. A mute, cold, psychotic human-shark, silently gliding from kill to kill on the streets of his home of Haddonfield, Illinois.

From the day he killed his own sister, Judith, Myers has been a terrifyingly blank slate – no longer a human being, just a killing machine.

The convoluted backstory of the franchise soon added a strange twist with the druid-like Cult of Thorn.

Michael himself was shown to bear ‘the mark of Thorn’. Thorn was believed to be a demon that would spread destruction. To appease Thorn, a child from every tribe was chosen to bear the curse of Thorn and sacrifice their whole family to spare the others.

This is a bit daft, but what the heck, at least it explained his bizarre urge to track down sisters, nieces, second-cousins, granny’s dogs and whatever else the writers tried to shoehorn in.

Leatherface was the hulking masked protagonist of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre franchise. After the local slaughterhouse closed, Leatherface’s family (punnily named the Sawyer clan in later films in the series), would capture and kill those passing by their Texas home, kill them and then cannibalise their remains. In later films the family would even sell this meat as award winning chilli.

The biggest and toughest of his clan, although also the most childlike, Leatherface would also fashion masks from his victims faces, which he would use to indicate his mood. Leatherface is almost animalistic, killing when he feels threatened, when startled or ordered to do so by his bloodthirsty kin.

While both of these icons have starred in two of the highest-regarded horror films of all time (both Halloween and TCM are ESSENTIAL viewing for any fan of the genre), they have even featured in recent remakes of their defining films — which in turn have spawned their own sequels/prequels!

As for a plot reason for them to throwdown — maybe the Sawyer clan are forced to flee the authorities upon the discovery of their ongoing killing spree and find themselves seeking sanctuary in the old Myers house?

Or maybe one Myer’s few surviving family members is abducted by the Sawyers on their way through Texas. The Sawyers don’tgive up their food easily… but that target is Michael’s and Michael’s alone…

VERDICT: In terms of appearance, there’s a clear winner here. Leatherface is huge bear of a man, well over 6ft tall and heavy-set. He proves himself capable of braining victims with a single blow and easily brandishes a whopping great chainsaw. And lets not forget the damage that chainsaw can do. It’s the most devastating of weapons, it can inflict tremendous damage and even affords a decent reach to its brandisher. Taking Leatherface’s size into account, this really adds up. Furthermore, he has his family for back up. The numerical advantage purely lies with Leatherface.

BUT…

Leatherface is simple. Childlike and intellectually below par. Myers has proven himself to be calculating and unflinching in his determination. While the Sawyers are prone to infighting, petulance and random acts of savagery, Myers is driven, determined and unstoppable. He has the mindset of a true killer and is always one step ahead of his victims.

While Leatherface may appear more intimidating, Myers is still no slouch when it comes to physicality. He has been seen to list grown men with one hand, crush and rend flesh and bone with his fingers and lift and lower his own considerable frame with ease. Furthermore, Leatehrface may be a huge man, but he is just a man. Myers has shown an almost supernatural level of resiliency to injury and harm, shrugging off several life-threatening injuries with ease. Perhaps this is due to the Mark of Thorn and his embodiment of a walking curse on humanity?

Finally, the chainsaw seems a perfect weapon at first glance… but it brings its own limitations. First, it’s noisy. It would allow Myers to locate his foe while also covering any noise he makes as he approaches. Second, it is fuel powered. It can stall. It needs to be revved into action. These are time consuming and make the weapon unreliable at best. Myers only needs a tiny opportunity to eliminate anybody or anything in his way.

In this case, Leatherface is the one who winds up in the meat grinder while Myers continues his relentless rampage.

THE WINCHESTERS vs THE SLENDER MAN

(Supernatural vs well, the internet)

Following on from my slightly out-there final set-to last time around, here’s another odd one for you to peruse.

Sam and Dean Winchester are the unfeasibly good-looking stars of the ongoing TV series, Supernatural. A pair of brothers who have carried on their father’s work as a ‘hunter’, the boys travel around America in a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, to a classic rock soundtrack, hunting out otherworldly and paranormal threats and killing the living crap out of them. The rapidly spreading and expanding backstory has seen them take on everything from ghostly urban legends, vampires and werewolves to demons, ancient deities and angels to the truly horrifying Jefferson Starships (This blog is already long enough without an explanation, just take my word for it). They rely on street smarts, a handful of custom weapons and sheer gutsy determination.

Dean (Jensen Ackles) is the rougher, more roguish of the two, Sam (Jared Padalecki) the more sensitive one with a deeper, darker secret.

The original showrunner described them as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, and this vibe completely runs throughout the series.

In short, they’re ace and so is the show.

The Slender Man on the other hand, could very well be the first horror icon created by the internet. Originally appearing in a couple of doctored images on the forums for web site, Something Awful, Slender Man soon became an internet meme, appearing in plenty of fanart and creepypasta stories. In time it took a major role in the damn good Marble Hornets web series, and eventually it even appeared in its own game, Slender: The Eight Pages. This game is a genuinely terrifying experience and comes highly recommended.

But what exactly is The Slender Man?

While much of its motivation and nature are unexplained (or even contradictory since so many people have been involved in its development) its description is always the same — tall and thin, dressed in a smart black suit, the Slender Man has a smooth, bald, blank head, completely devoid of any facial features. Furthermore, it has long thin arms, sometimes turning into tentacles.

It is closely linked to forests and is usually depicted as being responsible for individuals disappearing, particularly children. Several victims are alleged to have become mentally disturbed while stalked by the creature, often scrawling notes. A recurring slogan from these notes is ‘No eyes. Always watching.’

A story bringing the Winchester brothers into conflict with the Slender man writes itself: several children disappear and the Winchesters are called to investigate, only to find that The Slender Man is responsible.

VERDICT: It’s very tough to quantify the Slender Man’s powers as no two resources on it are exactly the same. It is often shown to have the power of teleportation and a degree of hypnosis like mind control. It is seen to toy with victims and is often presented as otherworldly yet ancient.

It’s a formidable foe and a legitimately scary bad guy to boot.

Now the Winchesters are just two lads (with some handy allies over the course of the series, most notably grizzly senior Bobby Singer, the prophet Kevin Tran and angel Castiel). A lot has been made of the fact that both have been chosen to play a senior role in the upcoming war between good and evil that will form the Apocalypse, including Sam’s ‘demon blood’, but at the core of it, the boys are just two men who stand up for what they feel is right and protect those that need it. Probably their biggest strength is their bond with one another, the fact that both will fight to the death (and both have died a few times!) for one another.

As for who’d win? Well, despite the fact that the boys may seem outmatched, they have CONSISTENTLY come out n top. Sure, they’ve both taken their fair share of hidings, but they always get straight back up and get on with the job at hand. They don’t give up and they get things done. I think this gives them the edge over the undoubtedly powerful and ancient Slender Man.

Besides the boys have overcome Lucifer and the machinations of the entire legions of Heaven and Hell AND lasted for a whopping NINE seasons on US TV. If that doesn’t show staying power, I don’t know what does!

So there you go. A somewhat belated final entry on this subject to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve. Let me know your thoughts below — have I got it right or am I wrong wrong wrong?

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Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.