FEATURE: UNLUCKY FOR SOME – 13 GREAT HORROR VILLAINS FROM THE LAST DECADE (PART ONE)

It’s Halloween this month. Horror blog time I reckon.

So, obviously I won’t finish the review, but I have been inspired to think about this genre I love.

People are always saying there’s no originality in horror any more. That its golden days are long behind us and that truly iconic villains such as Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees are a thing of the past.

Sometimes these people have a point. Major studios are certainly playing it safe most of the time, but I feel too many people are a little afraid to dig deeper. Take a chance on some of the little seen, direct to dvd or independent fare out there. There’s a whole host of terrifying boogeymen waiting to be discovered. Don’t believe me? Well allow me to enlighten you.

All of the following bad guys have appeared in films released over the last 10 years. While not all of them feature in great films, they have elevated those films through their sheer creepiness or bloody awesomeitude (it’s my blog, I can make up words if I want)

Let’s start in an obvious place, shall we?

Leslie Vernon

(Behind The Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, 2006)

As much as these blogs have become a bit of an ongoing love letter to Scott Glosserman’s fantastic deconstruction of the slasher film, I cannot ignore it’s fantastic lead.

The titular Leslie (played brilliantly by Nathan Baesal) is a marvellous creation. When depicted ‘out of character’ Leslie is likeable, enthusiastic and earnest.

But when it comes to his big night, Leslie is an entirely different beast. A cold and ruthless psychopath with his own carefully plotted ‘backstory’, Leslie is terrifying.

A lot of credit for this undoubtedly goes to his design (the childlike, blank mask is particularly unsettling, while the scarecrow-like garb and use of a sickle just add to this), but let’s not play down Baesal’s work in the role or the gorgeous camera work during his rampage at the abandoned farmhouse and orchard in Glen Echo, Maryland.

If the team behind the first film were to all get back on the same page, Leslie’s inevitable return and take on deconstructing horror franchise sequels would be all too welcome here at the House of Horrors.

So here’s the massive pain in all this — the team ARE all on the same page and DO want to do the sequel. But they can’t get the funding.

As I previously covered here on this blog, they even set up a kickstarter page to get this film made, they’re so desperate to get it done. Sadly it was unsuccessful.

So where does it stand now?

They are still working at getting the film off the ground but it has been very quiet re: progress for some time.

Will we ever see what happens after Leslie’s post-credits ‘resurrection’ in the morgue? Who knows.

At least this isn’t the case for the next fictional boogeyman on my list…

Jacob Goodnight

(See No Evil, 2006; See No Evil 2, 2014)

When 2006’s See No Evil was announced, I don’t think many people held particularly high hopes for it. It was a micro-budgeted slasher film, produced by WWE wrestling’s own studio, starring a wrestler and some budding tv actors/actresses, and directed by a man with a lot of music videos and soft-p0rn titles on his CV.

This could have been an absolute car crash.

So imagine my surprise when I watched this back-to-basics bit of popcorn horror and found myself caught up in its bleak little story.

As implausibly good looking young offenders were put through the wringer on the screen, the real star of the piece was Monday Night Raw’s own Kane, Glen Jacobs.

Much like Tyler Mane in Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Jacobs as Goodnight is a walking special effect. A real beast of a man, billed as 7ft tall and 23 stone, Jacobs doesn’t have to do much more than glare to frighten people. So it was a pleasant surprise to see him actually do much more!

However you feel about wrestling and the men that do it, they are entertainers and have decent acting ability and athleticism. And Jacobs proves to be up among the best of those to take the switch from the squared circle to silver screen.

Furthermore, the character had a suitably grim and twisted story, a penchant for plucking out his victims’ eyes, plus Jacobs used his hulking frame and a meathook on a chain to devastatingly gory effect to make Goodnight a memorable villain.

And I wasn’t the only one impressed. When WWE Studios announced it was planning to release a sequel (due out later this month), it was able to attract top scream queens Danielle Harris and Katharine Isabelle as well as the critically acclaimed Soska sisters to direct. This looks like one to watch, and if it does well as it should, surely Jacob Goodnight will be appearing on the screen again in the future.

Doll Boy

(Doll Boy, 2010; Circus of the Dead, 2014)

Speaking of slasher villains appearing onscreen soon, only this past week I discovered ‘Bloody’ Bill Pon’s brilliant short, DollBoy. Essentially a slasher film pared down to a lean mean 27 minutes (plus two completely jaw-dropping trailers… ESPECIALLY that second one that I refuse to spoil, it needs to be seen to be believed!), it follows the plight of several people kidnapped by the horrible Noodledome the clown. This group are dragged from Noodledome’s yellow van, then promptly thrown into an abandoned West Texas Mexican fleamarket that has become home to Doll Boy.

A very big man in childish attire with a creepy mask and sledgehammer as his weapon of choice (making him a smasher instead of a slasher!), the silent Doll Boy stalks his victims through his labyrinth-like home. The building adds to the creepiness, it’s full of eerie toys, a record player blasting out old-time songs, a projector screening cartoons and the physical remains of Doll Boy’s previous depravities.

I’d say that is about it, but Doll Boy is so much more than the sum of its parts. The atmosphere is incredibly unsettling while the unique look and horrific intensity of Doll Boy (as played by the imposing Sergio Gracida) make him a sterling villain.

Bloody Bill clearly impressed the right people with this effort as he is all set to release Circus of the Dead in the coming months. Once again featuring Noodledome as well as an equally grotesque group of killer clowns, it will also feature a confirmed appearance by Doll Boy himself. Here’s hoping this means the big, bad, baby-faced brute will be appearing in his own feature-length effort soon.

For those looking to see Doll Boy doing his thing in the meantime, the short (plus some very cool merchandise), is available to buy here. You will NOT regret it!

‘Craig’

(Creep, 2004)

I’ve got a couple of confessions to make here.

1)   Creep was finished and first screened a little over 10 years ago. But as it didn’t receive a wide-release until early 2005, I feel comfortable with including it here.

2)   The film itself, is actually not very good. The director, Christopher Smith, has gone on to give us the surprisingly funny and very, very dark Severance and the quite excellent Triangle, but here it doesn’t quite come together. I don’t think this is anything to do with his film-making so much as the story being told – and the fact that most of the characters in this film are massive wankers. Especially Franka Potente, the ‘heroine’.

So, with that in mind, let me explain why I’m including this film on this list.

First, I can’t help but love the setting. I travel on the London Underground on a daily basis (on the Northern Line no less, the same line on which Creep was filmed) and seeing the dark, dirty old tunnels that crisscross under the city used in a horror film makes it all a little more personal for me.

OK, the idea that somebody could fall asleep on a tube platform and A) not wake up when a train rumbled through and B) then end up locked inside the station as nobody checked the platforms before closing up, is pretty far-fetched (although I did once get off a tube into a closed station).

Second, the villain is great. A grotty and horrible cross between Gollum and a bald rat, Sean Harris (under a lot of prosthetics) bosses the role.

A deformed, mentally ill, cannibalistic hermit, ‘Craig’s’ name comes from a dirty old hospital wristband he wears. We see that he captures and stores people in the sewage system near Charing Cross Station, and has something of an affinity for rats. In fact, he is seen to feed them with any leftover body parts of his victims.

The character’s origin is strongly hinted at yet never spelled out. We discover a mysterious ‘Surgery Site 12’ underground, filled with cots and jars of foetuses. Pictures on the walls show a mysterious doctor and what looks like a deformed boy.

Furthermore, during the film’s most disturbing scene, Craig brutally murders a young woman in a horrifying imitation of an abortion. He follows surgical procedure prior to this, including the donning of gloves and robes and even places a (broken) anaesthetic mask over his victim’s face. Clearly he’s seen all this before somewhere…

Can I recommend this film? Well, us horror fans are used to picking the gems from the sewage, as it were, and this film boasts a fair few gems. Harris’s Craig is really unnerving; the Tube as a backdrop to worse horror than the usual slack-jawed gathering of tourists at the bottom of an escalator; some quite visceral gore effects and the chance to see a Holby City regular play an attempted rapist that gets chopped to bits.

That has to be worth 85 minutes of your time on a dull and rainy Sunday?

Sam

(Trick ‘r Treat, 2007)

Remember those fantastic portmanteau horror films of yesteryear? Amicus’ awesome 1960s-70s efforts such as Vault of Horrors, Asylum or Tales from the Crypt, or the Stephen King-penned Creepshow and its sequel from the 80s?

The long-delayed Trick ‘r Treat took a page from the book of these old school classics and gave us a fantastic and well-shot film that really captures the feel of Halloween (to such a degree that I now watch it every October!)

With a top cast including Tru Blood’s Sookie Stackhouse, Anna Paquin; the fantastic Dylan Baker and THE Brian Cox, it may come as a surprise to hear that the real star of the film is actually a masked child without a line of dialogue.

Cameoing in each story of the film, Sam (played by Quinn Lord) is the tiny, cute yet creepy mascot of the film. The iconic little demon in orange pyjamas and a Burlap sack mask first appeared in director Michael Dougherty’s animated short Season’s Greetings, and has since appeared in short films Halfway to Halloween, Father’s Day, Sam’s Going Back To School and Making Friends.

The reason I (and many others) love Sam, is because he’s so different to everybody else on this list. He’s small but scary, with a very cool design and a compelling air of mystery along with a great gimmick — he violently enforces the ‘rules’ of Halloween. He’s clearly a popular little chap, there is plenty of merchandise out there and it sells very well indeed.

Sam is due to return in a long awaited sequel, but first Michael Dougherty is given us another seasonal scare with Krampus, a film about Santa’s decidedly less jolly chum. Until then, I THOROUGHLY recommend adding Trick ‘r Treat to your to-watch list this Halloween.

The Collector

(The Collector, 2009; The Collection, 2012)

From frivolous fun to something altogether grimier — now let’s talk about The Collector. Written as a prequel to the Saw films, when the studio turned it down Marcus Dunston and Patrick Melton tinkered with their script… and The Collector was born.

Very much a reaction to Saw and Hostel’s torture-p0rn, the first film saw a burglar trapped in the middle of house booby trapped by a psychotic killer. A spooky, glinting eyed Collector stalked the house, bloodily disposing of the family who lived there before revealing exactly what it is that he collects during the film's shocking climax. Played by Juan Fernandez in this film, the sadistic Collector was different to slasher villains in that he was less physically imposing (his lean limbs reminded me of an oversized spider) but intelligent and cunning.

The first film did well enough financially that a sequel soon followed. Upping the ante quite significantly, the second film decided to fly in the face of any realism that might have slipped into the first (there wasn’t much to be honest) and just went mental. From the opening scene in which a nightclub is turned into a giant meat-grinder, The Collection is more fun and FAR bloodier. With Randall Archer under The Collector’s gimp mask this time, he added a different type of physicality to the role: he is bigger and seems more of your typical slasher villain, albeit one prepared to open fire on his victims with a machine gun or send trained attack dogs (or drug addled brainwashed humans) to run them down. To what purpose? Well, that revelation takes The Collector to a whole new level of bonkers!

What makes this villain stand out from the crowd (other than those very, very creepy eyes) is his unique M.O. The traps, the cunning, the hand-to-hand combat prowess — it’s like dealing with some kind of Special Forces soldier gone right off the deep end. Combine that with his ‘art’ and the Collector is a real monster.

A third film, titled The Collected has been penned, but following somewhat underwhelming box office takings from The Collection, that seems at risk.

I hope it is made, but until then The Collector and The Collection tell a story of their own that is well worth your time.

So, I know I promised you 13 and 13 you shall have… but the second part can be found here.

Let me know your thoughts on my picks so far below, plus feel free to send me any suggestions for those you think I may have overlooked.

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. Alternatively, follow me on twitter: Hickey@HHouseofHorrors. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the internet so you don’t have to!

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

So here we go, the third part of a long and drawn out series investigating the phenomenon of Versus films in the horror genre.

The first gave us some background, the second proposed some fun match ups including Jason Voorhees vs Victor Crowley, Pinhead vs Candyman and Freddy vs Pennywise.

In that same spirit, here are some more fantasy fisticuffs for your delectation.

In the immortal words of the guy from Street Fighter II this time…

FIGHT!

ASH vs THE TALLMAN

(The Evil Dead vs Phantasm)

I’ll be honest here, I would have happily placed Ashley J Williams (Housewares) vs just about ANY of the major horror icons. Ash (as played by the inimitable BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL) is the bumbling, loud-mouthed, big-headed hero of the Evil Dead trilogy, going from pretty lame sissy in the first, darker and more horrifying film, and transforming over the second to the walking quote machine of Army of Darkness. He walks tall, he talks loud and he carries a boomstick.

The Tallman on the other hand is the enigmatic antagonist of the Phantasm series. A being from another dimension, he has a host of powers and commands and army of evil followers including zombie like gravers, shapeshifters, dwarf slaves created from the bodies of the recently deceased and, most famously, the deadly flying spheres.

Little is known about the Tallman as his full story has yet to be told, but it is known that he has a plan and is slowly cutting a swathe across the United States, leaving several small towns obliterated in his wake.

As an interesting aside, the much anticipated Phantasm’s End was rumoured to feature BRUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL. It’s just a real shame that it never came to be.

As for a plotline that could create this match up — most of you will be familiar with the ‘slept too long’ ending of Army of Darkness. What if the post-apocalyptic future in which Ash awoke was the Plague Zone of Phantasm’s End? Imagine Ash and Phantasm stalwart Reggie teaming up as they realise that the Necronomicon ex Mortis contains the way to close the gateways to the Tall Man’s home world… while the Tall Man himself realises the destruction that he could wreak if he were to seize possession of the Book of the Dead…

VERDICT: It should seem a pretty open and shut case this one. Ash’s key strengths seem to be, well, a decent if not great understanding of basic science subjects, an ability to take a bloody good hiding and, well, bravado.

The Tall Man on the other hand has shown superhuman strength, resiliency to damage, an ability to rise from the dead, psychic powers of illusion, a knowledge of hugely advanced alien technology and has command of an entire inter-dimensional army of slaves and killing machines.

But Ash wins. Why? Because those two words will ALWAYS be the conclusion. ASH WINS.

Whether through luck, sheer gutsy determination or maybe, maybe even skill, Ash is the last man standing, covered in gore, extremely pissed off and probably wielding a chainsaw. He’s the Chosen One… and I choose him.

HANNIBAL LECTER vs JOHN DOE

(Manhunter/Silence of The Lambs/Hannibal/Red Dragon/Hannibal Rising vs Se7en)

OK, my original choice to square up against Hannibal the Cannibal was Saw’s John Kramer. But as Jigsaw was SO perfectly suited to The Collector (see why here) I went back to the drawing board.

And then I came across this idea. — John Doe, Kevin Spacey’s horrifyingly creative serial killer from the brilliant Se7en.

I’m sure all of you (horror fans and those who aren’t) have heard of Hannibal Lecter. Originally a literary creation to appear in Thomas Harris’ novels Red Dragon, The Silence of The Lambs, Hannibal and Hannibal Rising, he first appeared on the big screen in Michael Mann’s adaptation of Red Dragon, Manhunter. On screen for a very short amount of time, Hannibal was portrayed by Brian Cox as a seething, simmering, psychotic. But it was another actor’s take on the role that truly took Hannibal to the masses. There’s very little I can say about Anthony Hopkins’ truly mesmerising performance in The Silence of the Lambs — it was strong enough to earn him the Best Actor Oscar with just 16 minutes of screentime. He went on to play the same character in the sequel Hannibal and the prequel, another adaptation of Red Dragon. He is both charming and intimidating; charismatic and terrifying. The character has proven such a hit that a new TV show, Hannibal, starring Mads Mikkelsen as the titular doctor has become a big hit with a second season on the way.

Jonathan Demme’s SotL is a thriller that blurs the boundaries with horror and has received tremendous critical acclaim. It is both horrifying and grittily realistic.

The same can be said of David Fincher’s Se7en. Following two detectives as they work to bring a serial killer whose murders embody the bible’s seven deadly sins, Kevin Spacey’s turn as John Doe is scene stealing.

In terms of plot, it is certainly no great stretch to imagine that Lecter would have heard of the work of Doe. In fact, the clearly disturbed Doe would certainly have required counselling at some point; a role an intrigued Lecter would certainly have relished. Doe’s ‘great work’ was punishing those that deserved punishment — Lecter himself is full of wrath, pride and (dare I say it) even gluttony (think about it…)

VERDICT: This would be the most cerebral of the clashes I’ve thought of. Both men have proven shrewd and highly intelligent, both are cunning, as displayed in the way they evade and escape from confinement as they please. Both work to their own twisted ideals, although, of the two, Lecter is the one most likely to do whatever is necessary to ensure his own survival.

Doe’s ultimate goal was to complete his work, but nobody can ever truly comprehend what Hannibal has planned.

While Doe’s strict and devout devotion to his twisted his cause and discipline and determination cannot be overlooked, I feel the advantage lies with Lecter. A shrewd and calculating player of mind games, I feel with a few well chosen words he could soon wreak havoc in the clearly tortured psyche of John Doe.

If Doe was lucky, Lecter may find a use for him and deploy him as a pawn as he did Francis Dolarhyde in Red Dragon. If he was unlucky, he’d be swallowing his own tongue and providing Hannibal with yet another course to savour with kidney beans and a nice chianti…

SADAKO vs KAYAKO

(Ring vs Ju-On/The Grudge)

I’m a big fan of the Asian horror boom over the last 15 years or so. I know it became a little overexposed, but I like it, overly familiar tropes of white clad, unkempt haired female ghosts, nonsensical twisty plots and all. So this battle brings two of the biggest heavy hitters from J-Horror head to head – Sadako Yamamura and Kayako Saeki.

Sadako is the antagonist of the film that kickstarted the whole pheneomenon, Ring (I don’t do that whole Ringu thing, it just makes my teeth itch). No, I don’t mean Samara, the little girl from the inferior US remake, I mean the ‘star’ of the cursed video tape in the original film, all the way back in 1998. Now, the film version of Sadako has a complicated past, mostly revealed during the third film in the series, the prequel, Ring 0: Birthday. Long and short of it, she was possibly fathered by some kind of sea-dwelling demon/deity. She possessed psychic abilities that enabled her to split into two distinct entities, however, one a tiny, stunted malevolent thing with incredibly dangerous powers, the others a relatively sweet girl. However, upon her death these two entities re-merged and went on a mega killing spree that culminated in her own ‘father’ walloping her over the head with an axe and throwing her down a well. From here her spirit was able to possess a VHS recorder in a hotel room built over the well and create a videotape that, upon being viewed, left the watcher cursed to die seven days later.

Okay, I didn’t say this story made any sense.

Kayako Saeki’s story on the other hand is actually kind of simple (depending on which of the THREE film series she appears in you take as canon). All three state that she was kind of an odd girl who became besotted with a man other than her husband. She kept creepy diaries in which she made it pretty obvious that she was INTO this guy. Her husband Takeo discovered this diary, lost his shit, brutally murdered her in a jealous rage, than drowned their son Toshio and the family cat Mar. This turned Kayako into one of Japan’s white robed, messy haired and terrifying onryo. Her first victim was to be her husband, from here her spirit (as well as that of Toshio and Takeo) would haunt and kill anybody that sets foot in the family home where she met her messy end.

As far as storyline reasons for these two to clash — what if somebody were to watch the tape AND enter the former Saeki family home? Long-haired, white robed, BAD CREEPINESS, that’s what!

VERDICT: As both Sadako and Kayako’s powers have never truly been explored, it’s tough to compare them. Both seem able to kill at will. They are both able to teleport to their victims and both seem pretty much impervious to harm. Kayako has her other ghostly minions to help her out (in the form of Toshio, Takeo and Mar) and seems capable of possessing her victims, as well as spiriting them away. Sadako on the other hand gets her own hands dirty, inexorably closing in on her victims and dispatching them when their allotted time comes.

I have a natural bias towards Sadako — it was the discovery of Ring that opened my eyes to the joys of J-Horror. So Sadako I choose. She’s a lot more sprightly than the malformed and badly-mangled Kayako, plus Kayako is a vengeful ghost — if the hints in Sadako’s past are to be believed, she could well be a demi-goddess of the ocean. Deities trump spirits in my book. Although Sadako really needs to go digital soon, does anybody even have a VHS recorder anymore? (That was not a question that needs answering in the comments below…)

NORMAN BATES vs GHOSTFACE

(Psycho vs Scream)

Here we have a true clash of the ages — the grandfather of the slasher genre versus the cheeky young(ish) upstart. Unless you have recently woken from a 50 year coma, I’m assuming you’ll be familiar with the tale of Norman Bates, proprietor of the Bates Motel and all around Mummy’s boy from Hitchcock’s seminal classic Psycho. Based on Robert Bloch’s novel, Bates has gone on to appear in three film sequels, a (dire) shot-for-shot remake and a new and highly acclaimed TV series. Most famously portrayed by Anthony Perkins, Bates was an eerily believable psychotic killer, influenced by his domineering mother to such a degree that (SPOILERS!) after her death he kept her body in his attic and would dress in her clothes and adopt her personality to act out her vendetta against ‘bad girls’. But of course, you know this because you haven’t spent the last half-decade beeping.

Ghostface is the name given to those under the Edvard Munch inspired costume of poor Sidney Prescott’s tormentor in the Scream series. Since first appearing in the 1996 original (SPOILERS!) no fewer than seven individuals have donned the hood and mask and gone kill-crazy around Ms Prescott. With motives ranging from revenge to seeking fame and glory, the various Ghostface killers have shown a pop-culture savvy M.O and exceptional cruelty and viciousness (plus a willingness to kill the most famous actor/actress in each instalment of the franchise!). However, despite this the iconic Ghostface distorted voice used during his various menacing phonecalls has always been provided by the same actor, one Roger L Jackson. Good work there fella!

As a lovely little aside, one of the very first Ghostface killers (SPOILERS) Billy Loomis actually quotes Norman directly in the first film with the classic line: ‘We all go a little crazy sometimes.’

NICE.

In terms of plot line, hell, I don’t know, some meta storyline involving the cast of Scream deliberately heading to the Bates Motel for a creepy party. When bodies start to pile up, the obvious culprit would be creepy Norman the manager. But what if somebody among the group is using this cover for their own plot?

VERDICT: I’m going to have to apologise here. I KNOW Norman is the first of the modern horror icons. I KNOW that without him there would be no Ghostface…

BUT Ghostface wins. Ghostface is tech savvy, has a richer and more advanced M.O. and well, the numbers game definitely favours the white masked one(s). Pretty much the only advantage Norman has is if they decide to have a wee shower before getting on with the usual slashy shenanigans they love so much. Sorry Hitchcock fans, but in this case the young upstarts walk away with the big win over crotchety old granddad Bates.

LUBDAN THE LEPRECHAUN vs SAM

(Leprechaun vs Trick ‘r Treat)

So, so, so tiny! The teeny terrors here may be small but this battle could be EPIC. I know Leprechaun is awful. It’s one of those franchises that has become a franchise for reasons I TRULY cannot comprehend. To date, the series boasts no fewer than 6 films.

SIX. WTF????

The series has seen rent a small person Warwick Davis’s (you know, the one you get when Vern Troyer is just too little) Lubdan travel from Ireland to the United States (including, ahem, Da Hood) all the way to OUTER SPACE. DOUBLE WTF?????

Mr D plays Lubdan, a forest spirit summoned to protect the gold of an ancient king. When the king died and the rest of Lubdan’s race returned to the earth, the Leprechaun could not rest, remaining to guard his gold forever.

As if that isn’t weird enough, there is a reboot/prequel on the way, Leprechaun: Origins starring WWE teeny tiny wrestler Hornswoggle. I give up.

There’s obviously an audience for these films, alas I’m not really a part of it. I will give the character and films credit for the often insane ways in which Lubdan deals with anyone who comes between him and his pot o’ gold. When it comes to creativity and fun, Lubdan is the big man.

Well, um, er, you know what I mean.

While I may not be a massive fan of the Leprechaun films, the same cannot be said of Sam’s Trick ‘r Treat (and it’s JUST ANNOUNCED sequel). Sam is a marvellous little creation. A child (or IS he?) in a custom made Halloween costume, complete with a big round burlap sack mask, he crops up enforcing the rules of Halloween, cameoing in a host of horrible tales before his true nature is revealed in the final portmanteau story. That true nature?

Sam is short for Samhain and the loveable little tyke is actually the demonic and spiritual embodiment of Halloween. He may be little, but when it comes to getting spooky, Sam packs a VERY big punch.

As for why they’d fight? Well, the Leprechaun is notoriously greedy, refusing to part with his gold. Would he refuse to offer treats to trick or treaters? If so, Sam would have something to say…

VERDICT: Despite their diminutive stature, both Lubdan and Sam are surprisingly powerful. Over the course of the Leprechaun series, Lubdan has displayed magical powers such as teleportation, levitation, telekinesis, shape-shifting, casting illusions and even an ability to create Leprechaun-human hybrids by mixing his blood with that of humans. His power is seen to increase depending on how much of his magic gold he possesses. If his magic doesn’t do the job, Lubdan has also been shown to be a deadly opponent with frightening physical attributes including: superhuman strength, resiliency to damage and even an ability to reattach severed body parts.

The pumpkin-headed Sam boasts an almost identical set of otherworldly skills and abilities. He can disappear and reappear at will, teleport, use telekinesis and even raise the dead to do his bidding. Physically he is seen to scuttle along walls and ceilings in an eerie, kid-spider fashion, plus he also demonstrates incredible strength and resiliency. Like Lubdan, he even reattaches severed body parts when necessary.

So who wins?

Well, call me biased (I am, it’s fair) but I’m going with Sam. The Leprechaun is reliant on his gold to achieve maximum power, while he has been shown to have a whole host of weaknesses including four-leafed clovers, wrought iron and a bizarre compulsion to clean shoes.

Besides he’s just A forest spirit, Sam is the spiritual embodiment of a whole pagan festival. As long as there is Halloween, there’s Sam.

And as long as there’s Halloween, I’ll be watching Trick ‘r Treat!

Speaking of Halloween…

MICHAEL vs LEATHERFACE

(Halloween vs The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)

Two proper heavyweights collide right here — the star players of two huge horror franchises, the monstrous madmen that star in quite possibly the two greatest slasher films EVER. The reason for pairing these two in an epic confrontation should be all too apparent – they really aren’t too far apart at all.

Michael Myers is the William Shatner masked antagonist of Halloween. A mute, cold, psychotic human-shark, silently gliding from kill to kill on the streets of his home of Haddonfield, Illinois.

From the day he killed his own sister, Judith, Myers has been a terrifyingly blank slate – no longer a human being, just a killing machine.

The convoluted backstory of the franchise soon added a strange twist with the druid-like Cult of Thorn.

Michael himself was shown to bear ‘the mark of Thorn’. Thorn was believed to be a demon that would spread destruction. To appease Thorn, a child from every tribe was chosen to bear the curse of Thorn and sacrifice their whole family to spare the others.

This is a bit daft, but what the heck, at least it explained his bizarre urge to track down sisters, nieces, second-cousins, granny’s dogs and whatever else the writers tried to shoehorn in.

Leatherface was the hulking masked protagonist of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre franchise. After the local slaughterhouse closed, Leatherface’s family (punnily named the Sawyer clan in later films in the series), would capture and kill those passing by their Texas home, kill them and then cannibalise their remains. In later films the family would even sell this meat as award winning chilli.

The biggest and toughest of his clan, although also the most childlike, Leatherface would also fashion masks from his victims faces, which he would use to indicate his mood. Leatherface is almost animalistic, killing when he feels threatened, when startled or ordered to do so by his bloodthirsty kin.

While both of these icons have starred in two of the highest-regarded horror films of all time (both Halloween and TCM are ESSENTIAL viewing for any fan of the genre), they have even featured in recent remakes of their defining films — which in turn have spawned their own sequels/prequels!

As for a plot reason for them to throwdown — maybe the Sawyer clan are forced to flee the authorities upon the discovery of their ongoing killing spree and find themselves seeking sanctuary in the old Myers house?

Or maybe one Myer’s few surviving family members is abducted by the Sawyers on their way through Texas. The Sawyers don’tgive up their food easily… but that target is Michael’s and Michael’s alone…

VERDICT: In terms of appearance, there’s a clear winner here. Leatherface is huge bear of a man, well over 6ft tall and heavy-set. He proves himself capable of braining victims with a single blow and easily brandishes a whopping great chainsaw. And lets not forget the damage that chainsaw can do. It’s the most devastating of weapons, it can inflict tremendous damage and even affords a decent reach to its brandisher. Taking Leatherface’s size into account, this really adds up. Furthermore, he has his family for back up. The numerical advantage purely lies with Leatherface.

BUT…

Leatherface is simple. Childlike and intellectually below par. Myers has proven himself to be calculating and unflinching in his determination. While the Sawyers are prone to infighting, petulance and random acts of savagery, Myers is driven, determined and unstoppable. He has the mindset of a true killer and is always one step ahead of his victims.

While Leatherface may appear more intimidating, Myers is still no slouch when it comes to physicality. He has been seen to list grown men with one hand, crush and rend flesh and bone with his fingers and lift and lower his own considerable frame with ease. Furthermore, Leatehrface may be a huge man, but he is just a man. Myers has shown an almost supernatural level of resiliency to injury and harm, shrugging off several life-threatening injuries with ease. Perhaps this is due to the Mark of Thorn and his embodiment of a walking curse on humanity?

Finally, the chainsaw seems a perfect weapon at first glance… but it brings its own limitations. First, it’s noisy. It would allow Myers to locate his foe while also covering any noise he makes as he approaches. Second, it is fuel powered. It can stall. It needs to be revved into action. These are time consuming and make the weapon unreliable at best. Myers only needs a tiny opportunity to eliminate anybody or anything in his way.

In this case, Leatherface is the one who winds up in the meat grinder while Myers continues his relentless rampage.

THE WINCHESTERS vs THE SLENDER MAN

(Supernatural vs well, the internet)

Following on from my slightly out-there final set-to last time around, here’s another odd one for you to peruse.

Sam and Dean Winchester are the unfeasibly good-looking stars of the ongoing TV series, Supernatural. A pair of brothers who have carried on their father’s work as a ‘hunter’, the boys travel around America in a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, to a classic rock soundtrack, hunting out otherworldly and paranormal threats and killing the living crap out of them. The rapidly spreading and expanding backstory has seen them take on everything from ghostly urban legends, vampires and werewolves to demons, ancient deities and angels to the truly horrifying Jefferson Starships (This blog is already long enough without an explanation, just take my word for it). They rely on street smarts, a handful of custom weapons and sheer gutsy determination.

Dean (Jensen Ackles) is the rougher, more roguish of the two, Sam (Jared Padalecki) the more sensitive one with a deeper, darker secret.

The original showrunner described them as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, and this vibe completely runs throughout the series.

In short, they’re ace and so is the show.

The Slender Man on the other hand, could very well be the first horror icon created by the internet. Originally appearing in a couple of doctored images on the forums for web site, Something Awful, Slender Man soon became an internet meme, appearing in plenty of fanart and creepypasta stories. In time it took a major role in the damn good Marble Hornets web series, and eventually it even appeared in its own game, Slender: The Eight Pages. This game is a genuinely terrifying experience and comes highly recommended.

But what exactly is The Slender Man?

While much of its motivation and nature are unexplained (or even contradictory since so many people have been involved in its development) its description is always the same — tall and thin, dressed in a smart black suit, the Slender Man has a smooth, bald, blank head, completely devoid of any facial features. Furthermore, it has long thin arms, sometimes turning into tentacles.

It is closely linked to forests and is usually depicted as being responsible for individuals disappearing, particularly children. Several victims are alleged to have become mentally disturbed while stalked by the creature, often scrawling notes. A recurring slogan from these notes is ‘No eyes. Always watching.’

A story bringing the Winchester brothers into conflict with the Slender man writes itself: several children disappear and the Winchesters are called to investigate, only to find that The Slender Man is responsible.

VERDICT: It’s very tough to quantify the Slender Man’s powers as no two resources on it are exactly the same. It is often shown to have the power of teleportation and a degree of hypnosis like mind control. It is seen to toy with victims and is often presented as otherworldly yet ancient.

It’s a formidable foe and a legitimately scary bad guy to boot.

Now the Winchesters are just two lads (with some handy allies over the course of the series, most notably grizzly senior Bobby Singer, the prophet Kevin Tran and angel Castiel). A lot has been made of the fact that both have been chosen to play a senior role in the upcoming war between good and evil that will form the Apocalypse, including Sam’s ‘demon blood’, but at the core of it, the boys are just two men who stand up for what they feel is right and protect those that need it. Probably their biggest strength is their bond with one another, the fact that both will fight to the death (and both have died a few times!) for one another.

As for who’d win? Well, despite the fact that the boys may seem outmatched, they have CONSISTENTLY come out n top. Sure, they’ve both taken their fair share of hidings, but they always get straight back up and get on with the job at hand. They don’t give up and they get things done. I think this gives them the edge over the undoubtedly powerful and ancient Slender Man.

Besides the boys have overcome Lucifer and the machinations of the entire legions of Heaven and Hell AND lasted for a whopping NINE seasons on US TV. If that doesn’t show staying power, I don’t know what does!

So there you go. A somewhat belated final entry on this subject to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve. Let me know your thoughts below — have I got it right or am I wrong wrong wrong?

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Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.