FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

FEATURE: SLASHER SMACKDOWN: MORE MURDERLISING MATCH-UPS

So here we go, the third part of a long and drawn out series investigating the phenomenon of Versus films in the horror genre.

The first gave us some background, the second proposed some fun match ups including Jason Voorhees vs Victor Crowley, Pinhead vs Candyman and Freddy vs Pennywise.

In that same spirit, here are some more fantasy fisticuffs for your delectation.

In the immortal words of the guy from Street Fighter II this time…

FIGHT!

ASH vs THE TALLMAN

(The Evil Dead vs Phantasm)

I’ll be honest here, I would have happily placed Ashley J Williams (Housewares) vs just about ANY of the major horror icons. Ash (as played by the inimitable BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL) is the bumbling, loud-mouthed, big-headed hero of the Evil Dead trilogy, going from pretty lame sissy in the first, darker and more horrifying film, and transforming over the second to the walking quote machine of Army of Darkness. He walks tall, he talks loud and he carries a boomstick.

The Tallman on the other hand is the enigmatic antagonist of the Phantasm series. A being from another dimension, he has a host of powers and commands and army of evil followers including zombie like gravers, shapeshifters, dwarf slaves created from the bodies of the recently deceased and, most famously, the deadly flying spheres.

Little is known about the Tallman as his full story has yet to be told, but it is known that he has a plan and is slowly cutting a swathe across the United States, leaving several small towns obliterated in his wake.

As an interesting aside, the much anticipated Phantasm’s End was rumoured to feature BRUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL. It’s just a real shame that it never came to be.

As for a plotline that could create this match up — most of you will be familiar with the ‘slept too long’ ending of Army of Darkness. What if the post-apocalyptic future in which Ash awoke was the Plague Zone of Phantasm’s End? Imagine Ash and Phantasm stalwart Reggie teaming up as they realise that the Necronomicon ex Mortis contains the way to close the gateways to the Tall Man’s home world… while the Tall Man himself realises the destruction that he could wreak if he were to seize possession of the Book of the Dead…

VERDICT: It should seem a pretty open and shut case this one. Ash’s key strengths seem to be, well, a decent if not great understanding of basic science subjects, an ability to take a bloody good hiding and, well, bravado.

The Tall Man on the other hand has shown superhuman strength, resiliency to damage, an ability to rise from the dead, psychic powers of illusion, a knowledge of hugely advanced alien technology and has command of an entire inter-dimensional army of slaves and killing machines.

But Ash wins. Why? Because those two words will ALWAYS be the conclusion. ASH WINS.

Whether through luck, sheer gutsy determination or maybe, maybe even skill, Ash is the last man standing, covered in gore, extremely pissed off and probably wielding a chainsaw. He’s the Chosen One… and I choose him.

HANNIBAL LECTER vs JOHN DOE

(Manhunter/Silence of The Lambs/Hannibal/Red Dragon/Hannibal Rising vs Se7en)

OK, my original choice to square up against Hannibal the Cannibal was Saw’s John Kramer. But as Jigsaw was SO perfectly suited to The Collector (see why here) I went back to the drawing board.

And then I came across this idea. — John Doe, Kevin Spacey’s horrifyingly creative serial killer from the brilliant Se7en.

I’m sure all of you (horror fans and those who aren’t) have heard of Hannibal Lecter. Originally a literary creation to appear in Thomas Harris’ novels Red Dragon, The Silence of The Lambs, Hannibal and Hannibal Rising, he first appeared on the big screen in Michael Mann’s adaptation of Red Dragon, Manhunter. On screen for a very short amount of time, Hannibal was portrayed by Brian Cox as a seething, simmering, psychotic. But it was another actor’s take on the role that truly took Hannibal to the masses. There’s very little I can say about Anthony Hopkins’ truly mesmerising performance in The Silence of the Lambs — it was strong enough to earn him the Best Actor Oscar with just 16 minutes of screentime. He went on to play the same character in the sequel Hannibal and the prequel, another adaptation of Red Dragon. He is both charming and intimidating; charismatic and terrifying. The character has proven such a hit that a new TV show, Hannibal, starring Mads Mikkelsen as the titular doctor has become a big hit with a second season on the way.

Jonathan Demme’s SotL is a thriller that blurs the boundaries with horror and has received tremendous critical acclaim. It is both horrifying and grittily realistic.

The same can be said of David Fincher’s Se7en. Following two detectives as they work to bring a serial killer whose murders embody the bible’s seven deadly sins, Kevin Spacey’s turn as John Doe is scene stealing.

In terms of plot, it is certainly no great stretch to imagine that Lecter would have heard of the work of Doe. In fact, the clearly disturbed Doe would certainly have required counselling at some point; a role an intrigued Lecter would certainly have relished. Doe’s ‘great work’ was punishing those that deserved punishment — Lecter himself is full of wrath, pride and (dare I say it) even gluttony (think about it…)

VERDICT: This would be the most cerebral of the clashes I’ve thought of. Both men have proven shrewd and highly intelligent, both are cunning, as displayed in the way they evade and escape from confinement as they please. Both work to their own twisted ideals, although, of the two, Lecter is the one most likely to do whatever is necessary to ensure his own survival.

Doe’s ultimate goal was to complete his work, but nobody can ever truly comprehend what Hannibal has planned.

While Doe’s strict and devout devotion to his twisted his cause and discipline and determination cannot be overlooked, I feel the advantage lies with Lecter. A shrewd and calculating player of mind games, I feel with a few well chosen words he could soon wreak havoc in the clearly tortured psyche of John Doe.

If Doe was lucky, Lecter may find a use for him and deploy him as a pawn as he did Francis Dolarhyde in Red Dragon. If he was unlucky, he’d be swallowing his own tongue and providing Hannibal with yet another course to savour with kidney beans and a nice chianti…

SADAKO vs KAYAKO

(Ring vs Ju-On/The Grudge)

I’m a big fan of the Asian horror boom over the last 15 years or so. I know it became a little overexposed, but I like it, overly familiar tropes of white clad, unkempt haired female ghosts, nonsensical twisty plots and all. So this battle brings two of the biggest heavy hitters from J-Horror head to head – Sadako Yamamura and Kayako Saeki.

Sadako is the antagonist of the film that kickstarted the whole pheneomenon, Ring (I don’t do that whole Ringu thing, it just makes my teeth itch). No, I don’t mean Samara, the little girl from the inferior US remake, I mean the ‘star’ of the cursed video tape in the original film, all the way back in 1998. Now, the film version of Sadako has a complicated past, mostly revealed during the third film in the series, the prequel, Ring 0: Birthday. Long and short of it, she was possibly fathered by some kind of sea-dwelling demon/deity. She possessed psychic abilities that enabled her to split into two distinct entities, however, one a tiny, stunted malevolent thing with incredibly dangerous powers, the others a relatively sweet girl. However, upon her death these two entities re-merged and went on a mega killing spree that culminated in her own ‘father’ walloping her over the head with an axe and throwing her down a well. From here her spirit was able to possess a VHS recorder in a hotel room built over the well and create a videotape that, upon being viewed, left the watcher cursed to die seven days later.

Okay, I didn’t say this story made any sense.

Kayako Saeki’s story on the other hand is actually kind of simple (depending on which of the THREE film series she appears in you take as canon). All three state that she was kind of an odd girl who became besotted with a man other than her husband. She kept creepy diaries in which she made it pretty obvious that she was INTO this guy. Her husband Takeo discovered this diary, lost his shit, brutally murdered her in a jealous rage, than drowned their son Toshio and the family cat Mar. This turned Kayako into one of Japan’s white robed, messy haired and terrifying onryo. Her first victim was to be her husband, from here her spirit (as well as that of Toshio and Takeo) would haunt and kill anybody that sets foot in the family home where she met her messy end.

As far as storyline reasons for these two to clash — what if somebody were to watch the tape AND enter the former Saeki family home? Long-haired, white robed, BAD CREEPINESS, that’s what!

VERDICT: As both Sadako and Kayako’s powers have never truly been explored, it’s tough to compare them. Both seem able to kill at will. They are both able to teleport to their victims and both seem pretty much impervious to harm. Kayako has her other ghostly minions to help her out (in the form of Toshio, Takeo and Mar) and seems capable of possessing her victims, as well as spiriting them away. Sadako on the other hand gets her own hands dirty, inexorably closing in on her victims and dispatching them when their allotted time comes.

I have a natural bias towards Sadako — it was the discovery of Ring that opened my eyes to the joys of J-Horror. So Sadako I choose. She’s a lot more sprightly than the malformed and badly-mangled Kayako, plus Kayako is a vengeful ghost — if the hints in Sadako’s past are to be believed, she could well be a demi-goddess of the ocean. Deities trump spirits in my book. Although Sadako really needs to go digital soon, does anybody even have a VHS recorder anymore? (That was not a question that needs answering in the comments below…)

NORMAN BATES vs GHOSTFACE

(Psycho vs Scream)

Here we have a true clash of the ages — the grandfather of the slasher genre versus the cheeky young(ish) upstart. Unless you have recently woken from a 50 year coma, I’m assuming you’ll be familiar with the tale of Norman Bates, proprietor of the Bates Motel and all around Mummy’s boy from Hitchcock’s seminal classic Psycho. Based on Robert Bloch’s novel, Bates has gone on to appear in three film sequels, a (dire) shot-for-shot remake and a new and highly acclaimed TV series. Most famously portrayed by Anthony Perkins, Bates was an eerily believable psychotic killer, influenced by his domineering mother to such a degree that (SPOILERS!) after her death he kept her body in his attic and would dress in her clothes and adopt her personality to act out her vendetta against ‘bad girls’. But of course, you know this because you haven’t spent the last half-decade beeping.

Ghostface is the name given to those under the Edvard Munch inspired costume of poor Sidney Prescott’s tormentor in the Scream series. Since first appearing in the 1996 original (SPOILERS!) no fewer than seven individuals have donned the hood and mask and gone kill-crazy around Ms Prescott. With motives ranging from revenge to seeking fame and glory, the various Ghostface killers have shown a pop-culture savvy M.O and exceptional cruelty and viciousness (plus a willingness to kill the most famous actor/actress in each instalment of the franchise!). However, despite this the iconic Ghostface distorted voice used during his various menacing phonecalls has always been provided by the same actor, one Roger L Jackson. Good work there fella!

As a lovely little aside, one of the very first Ghostface killers (SPOILERS) Billy Loomis actually quotes Norman directly in the first film with the classic line: ‘We all go a little crazy sometimes.’

NICE.

In terms of plot line, hell, I don’t know, some meta storyline involving the cast of Scream deliberately heading to the Bates Motel for a creepy party. When bodies start to pile up, the obvious culprit would be creepy Norman the manager. But what if somebody among the group is using this cover for their own plot?

VERDICT: I’m going to have to apologise here. I KNOW Norman is the first of the modern horror icons. I KNOW that without him there would be no Ghostface…

BUT Ghostface wins. Ghostface is tech savvy, has a richer and more advanced M.O. and well, the numbers game definitely favours the white masked one(s). Pretty much the only advantage Norman has is if they decide to have a wee shower before getting on with the usual slashy shenanigans they love so much. Sorry Hitchcock fans, but in this case the young upstarts walk away with the big win over crotchety old granddad Bates.

LUBDAN THE LEPRECHAUN vs SAM

(Leprechaun vs Trick ‘r Treat)

So, so, so tiny! The teeny terrors here may be small but this battle could be EPIC. I know Leprechaun is awful. It’s one of those franchises that has become a franchise for reasons I TRULY cannot comprehend. To date, the series boasts no fewer than 6 films.

SIX. WTF????

The series has seen rent a small person Warwick Davis’s (you know, the one you get when Vern Troyer is just too little) Lubdan travel from Ireland to the United States (including, ahem, Da Hood) all the way to OUTER SPACE. DOUBLE WTF?????

Mr D plays Lubdan, a forest spirit summoned to protect the gold of an ancient king. When the king died and the rest of Lubdan’s race returned to the earth, the Leprechaun could not rest, remaining to guard his gold forever.

As if that isn’t weird enough, there is a reboot/prequel on the way, Leprechaun: Origins starring WWE teeny tiny wrestler Hornswoggle. I give up.

There’s obviously an audience for these films, alas I’m not really a part of it. I will give the character and films credit for the often insane ways in which Lubdan deals with anyone who comes between him and his pot o’ gold. When it comes to creativity and fun, Lubdan is the big man.

Well, um, er, you know what I mean.

While I may not be a massive fan of the Leprechaun films, the same cannot be said of Sam’s Trick ‘r Treat (and it’s JUST ANNOUNCED sequel). Sam is a marvellous little creation. A child (or IS he?) in a custom made Halloween costume, complete with a big round burlap sack mask, he crops up enforcing the rules of Halloween, cameoing in a host of horrible tales before his true nature is revealed in the final portmanteau story. That true nature?

Sam is short for Samhain and the loveable little tyke is actually the demonic and spiritual embodiment of Halloween. He may be little, but when it comes to getting spooky, Sam packs a VERY big punch.

As for why they’d fight? Well, the Leprechaun is notoriously greedy, refusing to part with his gold. Would he refuse to offer treats to trick or treaters? If so, Sam would have something to say…

VERDICT: Despite their diminutive stature, both Lubdan and Sam are surprisingly powerful. Over the course of the Leprechaun series, Lubdan has displayed magical powers such as teleportation, levitation, telekinesis, shape-shifting, casting illusions and even an ability to create Leprechaun-human hybrids by mixing his blood with that of humans. His power is seen to increase depending on how much of his magic gold he possesses. If his magic doesn’t do the job, Lubdan has also been shown to be a deadly opponent with frightening physical attributes including: superhuman strength, resiliency to damage and even an ability to reattach severed body parts.

The pumpkin-headed Sam boasts an almost identical set of otherworldly skills and abilities. He can disappear and reappear at will, teleport, use telekinesis and even raise the dead to do his bidding. Physically he is seen to scuttle along walls and ceilings in an eerie, kid-spider fashion, plus he also demonstrates incredible strength and resiliency. Like Lubdan, he even reattaches severed body parts when necessary.

So who wins?

Well, call me biased (I am, it’s fair) but I’m going with Sam. The Leprechaun is reliant on his gold to achieve maximum power, while he has been shown to have a whole host of weaknesses including four-leafed clovers, wrought iron and a bizarre compulsion to clean shoes.

Besides he’s just A forest spirit, Sam is the spiritual embodiment of a whole pagan festival. As long as there is Halloween, there’s Sam.

And as long as there’s Halloween, I’ll be watching Trick ‘r Treat!

Speaking of Halloween…

MICHAEL vs LEATHERFACE

(Halloween vs The Texas Chain Saw Massacre)

Two proper heavyweights collide right here — the star players of two huge horror franchises, the monstrous madmen that star in quite possibly the two greatest slasher films EVER. The reason for pairing these two in an epic confrontation should be all too apparent – they really aren’t too far apart at all.

Michael Myers is the William Shatner masked antagonist of Halloween. A mute, cold, psychotic human-shark, silently gliding from kill to kill on the streets of his home of Haddonfield, Illinois.

From the day he killed his own sister, Judith, Myers has been a terrifyingly blank slate – no longer a human being, just a killing machine.

The convoluted backstory of the franchise soon added a strange twist with the druid-like Cult of Thorn.

Michael himself was shown to bear ‘the mark of Thorn’. Thorn was believed to be a demon that would spread destruction. To appease Thorn, a child from every tribe was chosen to bear the curse of Thorn and sacrifice their whole family to spare the others.

This is a bit daft, but what the heck, at least it explained his bizarre urge to track down sisters, nieces, second-cousins, granny’s dogs and whatever else the writers tried to shoehorn in.

Leatherface was the hulking masked protagonist of the Texas Chain Saw Massacre franchise. After the local slaughterhouse closed, Leatherface’s family (punnily named the Sawyer clan in later films in the series), would capture and kill those passing by their Texas home, kill them and then cannibalise their remains. In later films the family would even sell this meat as award winning chilli.

The biggest and toughest of his clan, although also the most childlike, Leatherface would also fashion masks from his victims faces, which he would use to indicate his mood. Leatherface is almost animalistic, killing when he feels threatened, when startled or ordered to do so by his bloodthirsty kin.

While both of these icons have starred in two of the highest-regarded horror films of all time (both Halloween and TCM are ESSENTIAL viewing for any fan of the genre), they have even featured in recent remakes of their defining films — which in turn have spawned their own sequels/prequels!

As for a plot reason for them to throwdown — maybe the Sawyer clan are forced to flee the authorities upon the discovery of their ongoing killing spree and find themselves seeking sanctuary in the old Myers house?

Or maybe one Myer’s few surviving family members is abducted by the Sawyers on their way through Texas. The Sawyers don’tgive up their food easily… but that target is Michael’s and Michael’s alone…

VERDICT: In terms of appearance, there’s a clear winner here. Leatherface is huge bear of a man, well over 6ft tall and heavy-set. He proves himself capable of braining victims with a single blow and easily brandishes a whopping great chainsaw. And lets not forget the damage that chainsaw can do. It’s the most devastating of weapons, it can inflict tremendous damage and even affords a decent reach to its brandisher. Taking Leatherface’s size into account, this really adds up. Furthermore, he has his family for back up. The numerical advantage purely lies with Leatherface.

BUT…

Leatherface is simple. Childlike and intellectually below par. Myers has proven himself to be calculating and unflinching in his determination. While the Sawyers are prone to infighting, petulance and random acts of savagery, Myers is driven, determined and unstoppable. He has the mindset of a true killer and is always one step ahead of his victims.

While Leatherface may appear more intimidating, Myers is still no slouch when it comes to physicality. He has been seen to list grown men with one hand, crush and rend flesh and bone with his fingers and lift and lower his own considerable frame with ease. Furthermore, Leatehrface may be a huge man, but he is just a man. Myers has shown an almost supernatural level of resiliency to injury and harm, shrugging off several life-threatening injuries with ease. Perhaps this is due to the Mark of Thorn and his embodiment of a walking curse on humanity?

Finally, the chainsaw seems a perfect weapon at first glance… but it brings its own limitations. First, it’s noisy. It would allow Myers to locate his foe while also covering any noise he makes as he approaches. Second, it is fuel powered. It can stall. It needs to be revved into action. These are time consuming and make the weapon unreliable at best. Myers only needs a tiny opportunity to eliminate anybody or anything in his way.

In this case, Leatherface is the one who winds up in the meat grinder while Myers continues his relentless rampage.

THE WINCHESTERS vs THE SLENDER MAN

(Supernatural vs well, the internet)

Following on from my slightly out-there final set-to last time around, here’s another odd one for you to peruse.

Sam and Dean Winchester are the unfeasibly good-looking stars of the ongoing TV series, Supernatural. A pair of brothers who have carried on their father’s work as a ‘hunter’, the boys travel around America in a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala, to a classic rock soundtrack, hunting out otherworldly and paranormal threats and killing the living crap out of them. The rapidly spreading and expanding backstory has seen them take on everything from ghostly urban legends, vampires and werewolves to demons, ancient deities and angels to the truly horrifying Jefferson Starships (This blog is already long enough without an explanation, just take my word for it). They rely on street smarts, a handful of custom weapons and sheer gutsy determination.

Dean (Jensen Ackles) is the rougher, more roguish of the two, Sam (Jared Padalecki) the more sensitive one with a deeper, darker secret.

The original showrunner described them as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, and this vibe completely runs throughout the series.

In short, they’re ace and so is the show.

The Slender Man on the other hand, could very well be the first horror icon created by the internet. Originally appearing in a couple of doctored images on the forums for web site, Something Awful, Slender Man soon became an internet meme, appearing in plenty of fanart and creepypasta stories. In time it took a major role in the damn good Marble Hornets web series, and eventually it even appeared in its own game, Slender: The Eight Pages. This game is a genuinely terrifying experience and comes highly recommended.

But what exactly is The Slender Man?

While much of its motivation and nature are unexplained (or even contradictory since so many people have been involved in its development) its description is always the same — tall and thin, dressed in a smart black suit, the Slender Man has a smooth, bald, blank head, completely devoid of any facial features. Furthermore, it has long thin arms, sometimes turning into tentacles.

It is closely linked to forests and is usually depicted as being responsible for individuals disappearing, particularly children. Several victims are alleged to have become mentally disturbed while stalked by the creature, often scrawling notes. A recurring slogan from these notes is ‘No eyes. Always watching.’

A story bringing the Winchester brothers into conflict with the Slender man writes itself: several children disappear and the Winchesters are called to investigate, only to find that The Slender Man is responsible.

VERDICT: It’s very tough to quantify the Slender Man’s powers as no two resources on it are exactly the same. It is often shown to have the power of teleportation and a degree of hypnosis like mind control. It is seen to toy with victims and is often presented as otherworldly yet ancient.

It’s a formidable foe and a legitimately scary bad guy to boot.

Now the Winchesters are just two lads (with some handy allies over the course of the series, most notably grizzly senior Bobby Singer, the prophet Kevin Tran and angel Castiel). A lot has been made of the fact that both have been chosen to play a senior role in the upcoming war between good and evil that will form the Apocalypse, including Sam’s ‘demon blood’, but at the core of it, the boys are just two men who stand up for what they feel is right and protect those that need it. Probably their biggest strength is their bond with one another, the fact that both will fight to the death (and both have died a few times!) for one another.

As for who’d win? Well, despite the fact that the boys may seem outmatched, they have CONSISTENTLY come out n top. Sure, they’ve both taken their fair share of hidings, but they always get straight back up and get on with the job at hand. They don’t give up and they get things done. I think this gives them the edge over the undoubtedly powerful and ancient Slender Man.

Besides the boys have overcome Lucifer and the machinations of the entire legions of Heaven and Hell AND lasted for a whopping NINE seasons on US TV. If that doesn’t show staying power, I don’t know what does!

So there you go. A somewhat belated final entry on this subject to celebrate All Hallow’s Eve. Let me know your thoughts below — have I got it right or am I wrong wrong wrong?

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

FEATURE: QUANTITY VS QUALITY – THE ‘VERSUS’ FILM

Another week, another feature - something with a little more meat on its bones, as I take a look at the ‘versus movie’.

To me there seems to be no surer sign that a film franchise is running out of ideas (well, shy of sending it to space – here’s looking at you Leprechaun, Jason X and Hellraiser: Bloodline) than deciding to mix it with another established franchise and watch the two icons bounce off one another.

In the not too distant past, we’ve had a couple of massive examples of this in Alien vs Predator (and its sequel, AvP: Requiem) and, of course, the bonkers Freddy vs Jason. Hell, even superhero films are getting in on the act with Batman vs Superman on the way.

These are perfect examples of what the versus film brings to the table, but these are not the first time such a mash up has found its way onto screens. In fact, this particular sub-genre has been with us for decades.

A BIT OF HISTORY

Perhaps the first true golden era for Hollywood horror came at the end of the 1920s/beginning of the 1930s with Universal’s Monsters.

Genuine cinematic legends were born as Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff bought some of literatures greatest monsters to life on the silver screen.

As the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein and The Wolf Man brought the crowds to the box office, in time, the studio needed to up the stakes. And what better way to do it, than by placing these monsters on screen together?

Starting with 1943’s Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man, a sequel to both the original Wolf Man and the studio’s own Ghost of Frankenstein (no ‘versus’ in the title yet, but it was still early days!) the iconic characters started to appear in a number of crossovers that soon drew in the infamous Transylvanian count (as well as hunchback and random mad scientist!) in The House of Frankenstein (1944), and then again in its 1945 sequel, The House of Dracula.

Perhaps the death knell came when Universal added comedy duo Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein in 1948 (despite the film’s massive box office success). However, loving homages to these films have appeared throughout the years with the criminally underrated Monster Squad (1987) and the more recent Van Helsing (2004).

These monster mash films are good fun, if a little campy (even for the time), but the biggest problem does seem to stem from the wasted opportunity that came with them. The characters have such little interaction (and in some cases Frankenstein’s monster and Dracula are so marginalised) that it doesn’t seem like putting them in a film together achieves much.

Aside from the sterling cinematic smackdown between the looming Monster and feral Talbot in Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man (in fact this fight would go on to have a large legacy among the films to follow it), there’s very little versus on display here too.

The same cannot be said of the first MEGA monster clash to hit the screen, 1962’s King Kong vs Godzilla.

Part of Toho Studio’s 30^th anniversary celebration, this film TOTALLY embraces the ‘who’s toughest?’ kids-on-a-playground premise of a proper ‘versus film’. In fact the ridiculous plot is almost entirely incidental – it’s basically there to contrive a reason for the great ape and Gojira to fight. And by jove they do!

The fight is epic and full of zany shenanigans like electric storms giving Kong a Street Fighter II-esque, ‘Electro Grasp’ special move and even some judo! As if that wasn’t cool enough, the music played during the epic final confrontation was not an original piece… it was first played during the clash between Frankenstein’s monster and the Wolf Man!

King Kong vs Godzilla was a MASSIVE success (it’s reportedly the most commercially successful Godzilla film ever) and lead to a whole influx of Godzilla vs… films, as Toho paired their iconic monster with a whole host of it’s other gigantic, city wrecking beasties. They’re good fun, but the studio’s own Mothra, King Ghidora, Mechagodzilla et al just don’t offer the same sense of occasion as the big G meeting up with a legit big screen legend in Kong.

Of course, the reason this seemed like such a big deal was due to the fact that these films came from separate studios and it was a genuine big deal to see them interact. A studio mining its own creations just lacks that same spark... unless the studio in question has worked hard to acquire the rights to a franchise for that purpose.

When New Line Cinema snapped up the rights to Friday the 13^th, it only took the release of Jason Goes To Hell to see the plan they had in mind -  a certain razor gloved dream demon was poised to clash with the psychopathic Jason Voorhees.

And so began the long journey to 2003’s Freddy vs Jason, the biggest, baddest and most anticipated horror versus film of all time. If you haven’t seen this film yet, do it. It perfectly gives you all the things you can expect from a versus film, warts and all.

Of course, if you can’t afford the rights to a rival franchise, you can still hope to make money by crossing your own, a clear strategy of Charles Band’s Full Moon Productions in recent years.

Perhaps most famous for its Puppet Master series (a franchise with a jaw-dropping number of ever increasing entries), the studio has seen crossovers between it’s Dollman series and the Demonic Toys series too. Often cheap, rarely making any sense, always absolutely barking, these films really show what can happen with a ‘versus’ film run amok.

Interestingly, the first of these Puppet Master vs Demonic Toys, was released in 2004, the same year as the ultimate ‘versus’ film – Alien vs Predator.

Much like Jason Goes To Hell’s Freddy glove, scifi/action fans had been waiting to see the faceoff between these two deadly extraterrestrials since an alien skull popped up in the background in Predator 2.

Having already spawned a series of comics and computer games, the journey to the screen was arduous. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the film went ahead. It made a lot of money (enough to spawn a sequel) but the general consensus is that the film is a bit disappointing. The basic story is a load of old bollocks, ignoring a vast amount of the already established mythology of both franchises to introduce a pyramid in Antarctica and, well, any old excuse to show you how impressive these monsters can be rendered using modern special effects.

Now let me clarify, they DO look incredible. The fights are visceral and the monsters really provide some great screen moments (the first Predator/Xenomorph clash is guaranteed to cause goosebumps). Plus, for those paying attention, a scene from (guess what? Yep, that again!) Frankenstein meets The Wolf Man can be seen playing on a tv screen during the film, so that adds some instant cool.

The only problem is just that the film itself is a bit naff.

Poor characters, poor story, it’s all bang, no buck, which is a crying shame for the series.

So that’s a brief (and certainly not complete rundown) of the versus film. What has this little wander down memory lane shown us?

THE STRENGTHS

The obvious pro for these films is that, well, you’re combining franchises. If one film series has 10million fans and the other has 8million fans, surely you’re looking at 18million people interested in your film? To a studio exec, it’s a no-brainer.

Cynical as that may sound, it’s clearly the biggest motivation in these films. Cinema is a business and businesses are all about making money. A versus film is pretty much a safe bet, just look at the box office returns for the films listed above.

From a less cynical, more creative standpoint, by combining franchises you are able to pick and choose from a deep, rich mythology and backstory with which to tell your own tales. As pointed out above and in my previous feature, lots of films, especially in the horror genre, take place in a shared, interconnected universe – these films are a natural expansion of that, reinforcing and rebuilding those links.

Finally, as mentioned above, there is a genuine thrill to come from seeing two previously unrelated intellectual properties appear together. How do they react to one another? Can they coexist? And if not… which truly is the toughest?

THE WEAKNESSES

Unfortunately, the ‘versus’ film is a bit of a short term fix and can actually deliver the killing blow to a franchise.

Look at it this way — if two seemingly indestructible, unstoppable killing machines come to blows, one has to be revealed to be weaker. By showing one of these boogeymen to be defeated by an onscreen rival, that particular monster loses some of its aura of terror — it is no longer unstoppable, it is weaker than one of its horror film peers. By admitting that, a horror franchise (which are often built around their terrifying lead antagonists) is hobbling itself from that point forward.

Needless to say, that can also provide a huge obstacle in getting two studios to work together for the greater good. Neither wants their pet project to be harmed.

This is equally true of the fans. If you were a fan of one particular villain and then witnessed him take a bloody good hiding from a character you have less affection for, your reaction to the film is likely to be pretty negative.

Look at it this way — how many football supporters leave a match saying it was ‘a great match’ if their team was on the losing end?

Any film seen to portray their screen faves in an unfavourable light will only alienate those fans, essentially driving them away from the film.

Now the typical way to avoid this problem is to provide a cheap, non-finish to the climactic battle.

And I do mean typical.

From Frankenstein’s monster and the Wolf Man being swept away in a flood, to King Kong and Godzilla’s fight reaching its undisclosed conclusion beneath the waves, from Freddy’s severed head winking and the hybrid chestburster tearing free of that final Predator’s chest — these films have a real habit of refusing to provide a satisfactory conclusion to the fight that is the sole purpose of the film.

This in itself is a massive weakness — the films are so often unable to offer a true answer to the question that draws crowds to the film in the first place: ‘Which of these is better?’

Yet, this is not the only weakness inherent in these films. One of the biggest problems, from a story standpoint, is that these antagonists don’t exactly make for sympathetic leads. Undead/demonic/alien killing machines don’t really sell any human element to the plot.

This often means the inclusion of some human protagonists, not least so we can keep the bodycount up and show off our big bad monsters’ handiwork to whet the appetite for the main course smackdown to come. Unfortunately, these characters rarely have any grounding in the established backstory for either franchise, making it really rather difficult for fans of either franchise to give much of a toss about them.

The closest we get is Mr Weyland (played by LANCE FUCKING HENRIKSEN*, no less) in AVP. Okay, that’s kind of a cool Aliens reference, but are you honestly telling me people wouldn’t have preferred to see Sigourney Weaver’s Ellen Ripley or big Arnie taking on the bad guys?

These disposable human characters often just clutter already crowded films, existing purely to provide exposition or, well, die to show how tough the big bads are.

Now, another problem with featuring bastard, psycho-killer monsters (a great album title there) is that nobody really roots for either side. In fact, by the end of most of their solo outings you’re willing the last survivor of their rampage to get revenge and kill them.

This is where one of my biggest gripes with these films comes from: to rectify this problem, film-makers often decide to make one of the starring monsters sympathetic.

On very rare occasions, this can work. Larry Talbot is a man under a terrible curse, so he can make for a compelling lead when he isn’t under the influence of the full moon. But when the fur is on display, well, Larry is no more Mr Nice Guy.

Most of the time, however, the stretch to paint a big bad as a ‘big good’ is too far.

In AVP a lone surviving Predator forms an alliance with our human heroine to defeat the xenomorph menace. This is because, as has already been shown in canon, the Predators have an honour-based society that recognises aptitude as hunter/warrior.

BOLLOCKS.

All proving yourself to be a good hunter does to a Predator is make you a more prestigious trophy. Did the big scaly dude decide to offer Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Dutch a respectful handshake for proving to be tough? NO, he tried to rip his head off.

The only time a Predator proved to be ok towards a potential viable victim, was at the climax of Predator 2 when Danny Glover’s Harrigan is given a prize for defeating his Predator nemesis. Fair enough, but AVP’s heroine Alexa hadn’t done that. More to the point, the predator bosses certainly didn’t decide to become best mates with Harrigan and hanging around with him.

In Freddy vs Jason, an attempt is made to make Voorhees sympathetic. Of course, Freddy Krueger is about as bad as they come, a murderous child abuser in life, who has manipulated Big Jase into killing on his behalf. Fair enough…

…EXCEPT for the fact that Jason Voorhees has an onscreen body count of over 150 victims, the vast majority of whom were teenage camp counsellors.

And he’s our good guy?????

It is ridiculous to expect a serious horror villain to draw cheers and support — the very nature of horror makes these monsters and their actions repugnant.

In fact, this common evil often leads to a recurring plot point in these films. The villainous antagonists will form an uneasy alliance to cause maximum carnage, before their own volatile natures or sinister agendas bring them into conflict. In fairness, this is the best way a plot point can work with characters who are, at heart, evil, manipulative and unreliable, yet it is fast on its way to becoming a cliché of the genre.

Think Freddy and Jason’s alliance to slaughter teens or Dracula’s dominion over the lesser creatures of the night in the Universal hayday.

Perhaps it is a necessary evil as otherwise the creatures must be kept apart for the vast majority of the film (not necessarily a problem for me) or the film becomes an hour plus of fighting (like They Live, well, nearly).

Perhaps plot clichés should be expected though. Horror has long since established its own rules and tropes, a film combining those is sure to be weighed down by them.

And clichés are not the only bane to a versus film’s plotting, perhaps the biggest is the sheer amount of contrivance needed to justify the film. From the aforementioned Antarctic pyramid in AVP, to Freddy’s convoluted plot to rebuild fear through using Jason, all the way to the barking nonsense of the plot of King Kong vs Godzilla, these films often have to stretch credulity to warrant their ultimate payoff — the titular confrontation.

SO WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Despite the tremendous financial success of the likes of AVP and Freddy vs Jason (FvJ reported a box office of $114,843,030 on a budget of $30million!) the ‘versus’ film trend seems to have tailed off a little. After FVJ plenty of ideas were floated, including a sequel Freddy vs Jason vs Ash (adding the Evil Dead’s iconic hero played by BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE CAMPBELL). The original treatment for this film can be found online, such as through the fantastic site Bloody Disgusting. The film never materialised but a bloody good comic series was produced to adapt the story.

At the same time other potential crossovers included the insane sounding Helloween, in which Hellraiser’s cenobites would come into direct conflict with Halloween’s fellow horror A-lister Michael Myers. A very very daft but certainly intriguing idea, like F v J v A, this never occurred either.

But if Pinhead vs Myers seems an odd choice for smackdown, one other proposed showdown really takes the cake.

Chucky vs Leprechaun.

Seriously.

Warwick Davis’s pintsize magical malevolent dwarf vs Child’s Play’s Good Guy gone bad — on film.

Perhaps I’ve been hit in the head one too many times, but by god, I imagine I’d fall in love with that.

Before you dismiss this as random fanwank, first heed this — in a bizarre twist, the creator of the Child’s Play, Don Mancini has himself spoken about the idea at this year’s Frightfest in the UK and even added his own dream idea of Chucky and Freddy Krueger going head to head in a kill contest on the big screen!

Don has been quoted online as saying:

It all just seems too obvious to me [Leprechaun vs Chucky]. I mean Freddy vs. Jason, I thought that was a fun movie… But for me the problem with that team up is that Jason doesn’t really have any personality and doesn’t talk. If Freddy and Chucky got together that would be a really funny double act. If you did a Child’s Play on Elm Street and did it like a horror movie version of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. So Chucky and Freddy meet and Freddy says, Chucky I’m a big fan of your work. Chucky says, Freddy I admire your technique. And they decide that Elm Street is too small for the two of them so they have to have a contest to see who can kill the most teenagers before sunrise.

Of course, none of this has happened either.

And perhaps the reason for this, is that, well, versus films just don’t measure up to their original franchises. While Freddy vs Jason and Alien vs Predator may have done well, who really prefers those films to the strongest film in either of the franchises they combine?

AVP is at least 4^th place in the Alien series and I’d argue that all three Predator films are superior.

Who would say they prefer F vs J to the original Elm Street or Friday the 13^th? Or even those series’ fan faves, like Dream Warriors or Jason Lives?

Surely there can’t be a lunatic out there who’d say King Kong vs Godzilla get ANYWHERE near the sheer brilliance of King Kong or Godzilla?

While Frankenstein meets the Wolfman is undoubtedly great fun, it pales in significance next to Universal’s initial outings for their iconic monsters. The studio’s own masterpiece, The Bride of Frankenstein makes this monster mash look positively amateurish is comparison.

Unfortunately, the smackdown between two major characters isn’t enough to warrant making a film when a cheaper, easier to produce sequel will keep things ticking along nicely.

The whole ‘who would win in a fight?’ seems to be going strong in the medium of comics, itself a supposedly more action oriented product.

And there have been some excellent horror mash ups written by the medium’s most talented writers. The likes of Hack/Slash and Army of Darkness (itself an adaptation and continuation of the Evil Dead)have taken in all kinds of additional horror icons such as Chucky, Re-Animator’s Herbert West and Hatchet’s Victor Crowley (including a current crossover between those two titles), while the treatment for Freddy vs Jason vs Ash was also translated to comic format.

This alone shows the sheer amounts of awesome you can see with comic ‘versus’ ideas:

WHAT.

With all this in mind, it can come as no real surprise that the next major versus film is between two comicbook heroes. As superhero films are big business now (following the success of Marvel’s Avengers, itself boasting a host of cool versus clashes such as Iron Man vs Thor) it can be no wonder that Batman vs Superman is going ahead.

If it performs as well as I imagine it will, perhaps it could once again herald a whole new wave of horror versus films.

Like what I hear you cry?

Well, look at next week’s blog entry to see the creatively bankrupt suggestions my pretty little head can come up with.

I bet you can’t wait. 

* Like I wasn’t going to mention him!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.