Need I say more? I do? Okay, how about ki-ki-ki ma-ma-ma?
It’s time to celebrate one of the greatest screen boogeymen of all time, Mrs Voorhees’ beautiful, bouncing baby boy Jason!
One of the more imaginative slashers, Jason has had some real high-points when it comes to the techniques he’s used to dispatch of the gormless teens that — despite a deathrate in the area to rival Pompeii — continue to flock to the shores of Camp Crystal Lake.
Now, I’m including those deaths caused by Jason himself, so the iconic Kevin Bacon throat stabbing doesn’t make the list, nor do any from A New Beginning. Here are six of my very favourites!
6. THE BIG FREEZE
Jason X, 2002
Who: Adrienne (Kristi Angus)
Jason X seems to be a polarising horror flick (personally, I dug it!) but one thing is for sure: EVERYBODY has to admit that the gruesome manner in which Jason disposes of teaching assistant Adrienne is a showstopper. After she attempts to perform an autopsy on the seemingly dead Voorhees, he springs to life and thrusts her face into a vat of liquid nitrogen, instantly freezing her face and head, before smashing her crystallised head against a stainless steel work service and callously throwing her headless body to the floor.
The scene is helped by the incredible special effects on display (which far surpass most Friday the 13th offerings) and re-establishes the freshly thawed out Voorhees as every bit as mean as he ever was.
5. BOXING BEHEADAL
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, 1989
Who: Julius, V.C. Dupree
Coming in the slightly misleading Jason Takes Manhattan (misleading because the big guy only spends the vast majority of the flick on a boat before spending a mere 10 minutes in NYC!), the Jason v Julius showdown is a classic Ft13 moment.
Impressive athlete and boxer Julius survives the bloodbath on the boat, but finds himself among the survivors stalked through the streets of the Big Apple by Voorhees. Separated from the group and cornered on a rooftop, He realises that flight is not an option... So Julius turns to fight.
He unleashes a volley of powerful blows at Jason but, after wearing himself out as he wails away at the unphased Voorhees, he gasps: 'Take your best shot, motherfucker...' To which Jason responds with a single haymaker so powerful it tears Julius' head clean from his body and down into the alleyway below.
This great gag is then followed by an amazing punchline - the head bounces down into an awaiting dumpster which promptly slams shut on it. Sheer poetry!
4. BEDBREAKER
Freddy vs Jason, 2003
Who: Trey (Jesse Hutch)
There are few Voorhees victims as instantly unlikeable as misogynistic tool Trey. After witnessing the callous way in which he treats cute girlfriend Gibb (the always wonderful Katharine Isabelle) post-coitus, we are itching to see him get his just desserts — and boy does Jason deliver. As Trey reclines facedown on a folding campbed (classy), Voorhees proceeds to brutally stab him over and over in the spine with his trademark, over-sized machete. This is pretty much already an awesome death, but what happens next propels it into legendary status.
Jason folds the bed, with Trey still in it. I’m talking full-on, calf-to-shoulder, spine-snapping folding here. Ooooooh.
This one narrowly edges out a similar folding incident from the heroic Sheriff Garris (David Kagen) in Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI. After pulling a Julius (see above) and trying to throwdown with the big J, Garris ends up getting the origami treatment too…
3. VAN VIOLENCE
Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI, 1986
Who: Nikki (Darcy DeMoss)
While Garris’s death in Jason Lives didn’t quite make the list, this one certainly does. After teens Nikki and Cort (Tom Fridley) decide to indulge in some hankypanky in her stepfather‘s RV they are interrupted when the power goes out. Upon discovering that the cord was intentionally cut, they decide to get the hell out of dodge and Cort burns rubber with the radio blaring.
Little do he and Nikki know that they have a stowaway. Cue Jason, who grabs Nikki by the head and mashes into the wall so hard that it leaves a visible impression of her face on the outside of the van.
This is made all the cooler by the fact that it is set to Alice Cooper’s Teenage Frankenstein. Awesome.
2. HANDSTAND HORROR
Friday the 13th Part 3, 1982
Who: Andy (Jeffrey Rogers)
Andy is a bit of a twat. He spends pretty much his entire time in the third Friday outing trying to impress people with his circus skills, such as juggling and tumbling. It is this last one that brings about his grisly demise. After bedding his girlfriend Debbie (Tracie Savage) he walks on his hands into the bathroom where she's showering to ask if she wants a beer. He then walks out of the room (still on his hands) right into Jason — who proceeds to bring his machete down between Andy’s legs, splitting him to the gizzard via the johnson.
Ooof!
A marvellously gory and surprisingly entertaining end, which is only made stronger by the reveal of his mangled remains in the rafters later on in the flick.
1. SLEEPING BAG SLAMMER
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, 1988
Who: Judy (Debora Kessler)
This one is a kill SO iconic that the series has acknowledged and revisited it (albeit with some subtle tweaks) TWICE. In this genuinely brilliant scene, Judy has gone camping with her boyfriend Dan (Michael Schroeder). After they Dan pops out, Judy undresses in anticipation of his return. As she hears a figure approach, she assumes it to be Dan and calls out… to be met by a machete ripping through the side of the tent. She screams and desperately tries to hide inside her sleeping bag.
WORST. MOVE. EVER.
Jason proceeds to grab the bag, drag her outside, then, in one of the man’s most surprising, simultaneously brutal AND hilarious moments, violently swings the bag into a tree.
This is a kill so great I NEEDED to add a video clip.
Both the virtual reality segment of Jason X AND the 2009 remake paid homage to this death, as if confirming what I knew all along — this truly is the greatest Friday the 13th kill EVER.
Jason folds the bed, with Trey still in it. I’m talking full-on, calf-to-shoulder, spine-snapping folding here. Ooooooh.
This one narrowly edges out a similar folding incident from the heroic Sheriff Garris (David Kagen) in Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI. After pulling a Julius (see above) and trying to throwdown with the big J, Garris ends up getting the origami treatment too…
3. VAN VIOLENCE
Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI, 1986
Who: Nikki (Darcy DeMoss)
While Garris’s death in Jason Lives didn’t quite make the list, this one certainly does. After teens Nikki and Cort (Tom Fridley) decide to indulge in some hankypanky in her stepfather‘s RV they are interrupted when the power goes out. Upon discovering that the cord was intentionally cut, they decide to get the hell out of dodge and Cort burns rubber with the radio blaring.
Little do he and Nikki know that they have a stowaway. Cue Jason, who grabs Nikki by the head and mashes into the wall so hard that it leaves a visible impression of her face on the outside of the van.
This is made all the cooler by the fact that it is set to Alice Cooper’s Teenage Frankenstein. Awesome.
2. HANDSTAND HORROR
Friday the 13th Part 3, 1982
Who: Andy (Jeffrey Rogers)
Andy is a bit of a twat. He spends pretty much his entire time in the third Friday outing trying to impress people with his circus skills, such as juggling and tumbling. It is this last one that brings about his grisly demise. After bedding his girlfriend Debbie (Tracie Savage) he walks on his hands into the bathroom where she's showering to ask if she wants a beer. He then walks out of the room (still on his hands) right into Jason — who proceeds to bring his machete down between Andy’s legs, splitting him to the gizzard via the johnson.
Ooof!
A marvellously gory and surprisingly entertaining end, which is only made stronger by the reveal of his mangled remains in the rafters later on in the flick.
1. SLEEPING BAG SLAMMER
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, 1988
Who: Judy (Debora Kessler)
This one is a kill SO iconic that the series has acknowledged and revisited it (albeit with some subtle tweaks) TWICE. In this genuinely brilliant scene, Judy has gone camping with her boyfriend Dan (Michael Schroeder). After they Dan pops out, Judy undresses in anticipation of his return. As she hears a figure approach, she assumes it to be Dan and calls out… to be met by a machete ripping through the side of the tent. She screams and desperately tries to hide inside her sleeping bag.
WORST. MOVE. EVER.
Jason proceeds to grab the bag, drag her outside, then, in one of the man’s most surprising, simultaneously brutal AND hilarious moments, violently swings the bag into a tree.
This is a kill so great I NEEDED to add a video clip.
Both the virtual reality segment of Jason X AND the 2009 remake paid homage to this death, as if confirming what I knew all along — this truly is the greatest Friday the 13th kill EVER.
So what do you think of the list? Are there any glaring omissions or choices you disagree with? Do you have a particular favourite moment of Voorhees violence that you feel I've overlooked?
Leave your comments below or drop me a message, it'd be great to hear from you.
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Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.
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