RAW REVIEW: CLOWN

Creepy killer clowns seem to be very much the 'In' thing right now. There have been plenty of terrifying greasepaint-wearing nightmares in Horror, as I have discussed here on this blog. It's not just in this feature that the bane of coulrophobes has reared its ugly head, but a few  movies I have reviewed I have also featured monstrous clowns.

And now I turn my attention to Jon Watts's Clown. Conceived as a fake trailer which Watts ballsily attached horror heavyweight Eli Roth's name to, the concept proved strong enough to attract not only Roth's attention but his backing as a producer.

After a long journey to screen (and it still isn't available to US audiences) the dvd has arrived here in the UK.

Was it worth the wait? Or will Roth and Watts end up looking like jokes?

Read on...

CLOWN (2014)

Dir: Jon Watts

Starring: Andy Powers, Laura Allen, Peter Stormare, Christian Distefano, Chuck Shamata, Eli Roth

SPEEDY SYNOPSIS: I'll try not to spoil too much here, but read on at your own risk.

Estate agent/realtor Kent (Powers) is a busy but loving father and, when his wife Meg (Allen) calls him on the day of their son Jack's (Distefano) birthday party with a problem, he does what he can to fix it.

It seems the clown hired for Jack's party is unable to attend, but, as luck would have it, at that exact moment Kent discovers an old clown costume in the attic of the home he is trying to sell. Desperate to save the day, Kent dons the costume to entertain the kids at the party and is a roaring success. After a long and exhausting day, he carries Jack to bed before falling into a deep sleep on the sofa, still wearing the clown costume.

The next day he awakens to find that he is unable to remove the costume, the wig, the make-up and even the red nose. When physician Meg helps him remove the nose she actually tears the skin and flesh on his face, resulting in an ugly wound.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Kent starts to experience a ravenous hunger. Confused, he decides to track down the costume's previous owner, the brother of the deceased man whose home held the costume. When he meets Herbert Karlsson (the awesome Stormare), Karlsson tries to put his mind at rest... and then promptly attempts to kill him.

Narrowly avoiding death, Kent is then told the story of a Northern European demon, The Cloyne. Horrified he hears about the creature's vile appetite and the only way in which it can be defeated.

Will Kent believe him? Can the Cloyne be appeased? And what does this mean for Meg and Jack?

THE BEST BITS (minor spoiler warning): Coming from a Grindhouse-style fake trailer, I expected Clown to be cheap, schlocky OTT fun... I couldn't have been more wrong.

Clown plays it alarmingly straight. Sure there is the darkest black vein of humour running through the centre of it, but it plays out very much like The Fly — albeit with rainbow-paint blood instead of regurgitated digestive juices.

The film manages to take this somewhat goofy concept and imbues it with some real creepiness.

The Cloyne make-up and effects are horrifying, making the creature seem suitably monstrous. Its M.O. is evil — needing to take and devour five children (one for each month of winter — I can only assume this is a Scandinavian legend) to be sated. There is also pretty damn great amount of gore, including some extremely taboo dismembered children and gallons of blood.
The first scene in which a hapless child approaches Kent (after we know what the Cloyne's influence is doing to him) is almost unbearably tense and uncomfortable to watch.
That isn't to say that the movie is entirely po-faced — there are plenty of laughs to be had, first in the reaction Kent's clown appearance garners from others, then in the grimness of his plight and the desperate measures to which he and others sink to rectify it.
Both the humour and the horror are brought to life by an impeccable cast.

Powers carries the bulk of the film and he does a grand job. Early on he's likeable and sympathetic, portraying just enough earnestness and the bewilderment that you can't help but be drawn onside. As an aside, I noticed a passing resemblance between his friendly clown persona and CBeebies superstar Mr Tumble! However, as the demands of the role shift to more menacing, Powers is more than up to the task. Scowling and glaring hungrily towards potential victims, he transforms into a truly chilling villain. This is fantastic work, I can't wait to see more from him.

As Powers moves from protagonist to antagonist, Allen takes over as the lead. She's a very capable actress and you can't help but feel for her as the events of the film unfold. She also has fantastic chemistry with both Powers and Distefano (himself a very talented young actor in a movie that achieves that rarest of feats — assembling a cast of believable youngsters!). This chemistry is vital in getting an audience to buy into the threat and turmoil that the family face. Luckily the three really do feel like a genuine family unit.

Of course, the most recognisable name among the cast is the always brilliant Stormare and, once again, he rocks.

His is an interesting character but he is given the bulk of the exposition work. Thankfully he handles it like a champ. It helps that the backstory and mythology of the suit are compelling but it also shows a level of shrewdness that not enough filmmakers display. The stereotypical expert who turns up mid-movie to explain what the Hell is happening can bring proceedings to a screeching halt. Using an actor who is a talented and interesting addition to the film overcomes a lot of the problems with what I've come to call 'expo-dump' characters. It's done equally well in Dark Skies, Hatchet 2, Behind The Mask and Rob Zombie's Halloween. 

But back to Stormare — he pretty much steals every scene he's in, often adding a touch of wry humour and always nailing the darkness that his character requires. Karlsson is somebody that has survived the Cloyne, not overcome it. A part of him was broken by that experience and he is still haunted by it. This is a complex character brought to life wonderfully by an incredible actor.

I've mentioned darkness and humour time and again throughout this review, mainly because these are the two strongest points it has. A lot of this comes from the storyline (expertly spun by Christopher D Ford and director Watts) but also in Watts' camerawork. Combined with some atmospheric cinematography by Matthew Santo, the film drips with creepiness and danger. Nowhere is this more evident than the standout scene in which a regular children's indoor play area is turned into a nightmarish labyrinth as the Cloyne stalks terrified kids. From the inherent silliness of a child dragged under a ball pool with sudden and startling ferocity to the claustrophobic, almost Aliens-like crawl through the tunnels, this entire sequence shows you EVERYTHING that works in Clown.

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): My biggest problem with Clown is that for all the imagination evident in its premise, there is very little in the way of surprises in the plot.

It's an entirely linear story and pretty simplistic. Don't expect any shocking twists or turns - there are none. Like, at all.

Earlier I said Clown was reminiscent of Cronenberg's The Fly. Well, if you've seen that movie (and if you haven't, you need to immediately!) you will know EXACTLY how this one's going to pan out. It's entirely predictable and familiar. This could be due to a deliberate attempt to homage the 'body-horror' classics that have gone before. I'm cool with this, but could have done with a flash of inspiration or the unexpected here or there.

One thing that may upset viewers is the way that Clown is entirely happy to not only endanger its children characters but bloodily dispatch of them. It never goes so far as to show the Cloyne tearing its victims apart, but we are given plenty of bloody aftermath shots. I'm a father (so probably more susceptible to scenes like these) and I thought the film was edgy and pushed the boundaries without ever overstepping then. However, if you are very squeamish about this sort of thing, you may want to skip Clown.

Finally, some people may find the basic concept of Jon Watts' flick just a bit too daft (although quite why they'd have read this far is beyond me!). True, it is all a bit silly, but it is handled pretty much as wer as it can be. I was impressed, and I'm willing to bet that plenty of you will be.

THE VERDICT: Wow, Clown was a real shock! This is a far more polished - and scary - flick than I had any reason to believe it would be. I would definitely recommend it, not just to those looking for a fun flick but to proper horror fans as well. With a cracking cast and sinister scares, Clown most certainly is not fooling around!

UK readers, check it out. US readers, stay patient, this one is worth the wait.

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

RAW REVIEW: DREADTIME STORIES

Recently I reviewed Tales of the Supernatural, a low budget horror anthology that, sadly, didn't do the job for me. However, it did inspire me to look at some of those wonderful portmanteau tales that have come before, the likes of Creepshow, Amicus’s Tales From The Crypt and the Ealing masterpiece that is Dead of Night.
After revisiting these classics I was (perhaps understandably) wary about watching another modern low-budget indie take on the sub-genre, but Dreadtime Stories has been on my review list for some time, so I finally took the plunge.
Would this restore my faith in the anthology format? Or would this one fall short too?
Read on...

DREADTIME STORIES (2014)

Dir: Jacob Grim

Starring: James Johnson, Robert Paul, Tania S Monroy, Martha Sanchez, Laura Schmitt, Hank Vasquez, Jordan Bruster-Campo, Buddy Smith, Sal Hernandez, David Marin, Brianna Garcia, Tiffany Hinojosa, Eric Rodrigue, Autumn Caro, Brianna Elaine,  Lisa McGrew

SHORT SUMMARY: I’ll try not to spoil too much here but read on at your own risk.

Kirk (Johnson) is a college student who goes on a work experience placement at a local funeral home run by 'WWE's Paul Bearer'-like funeral director Hyker Churchyard (Paul). One of his first assignments is to inventory the belongings of a recently admitted corpse, that of the infamous Mr Ahriman. Ahriman was said to be involved in a series of diabolical occult practices and his body remained undiscovered for several days after his demise.
It is while checking the cadaver's pockets that Kirk discovers a mysterious leather-bound book. He's intrigued and swiftly stashes the book in his bag while nobody's watching.
That evening he heads home to a house party. As the evening goes on, the book finds its way out of his bag and into the hands of his various guests. They all take the time to read one of its twisted stories, each of which is described below.
HOME COOKING — A doting mother (Sanchez) prepares a very special meal for her husband and daughter, all set to a jaunty soundtrack.
FORGOTTEN — A driven and determined businesswoman (Schmitt) has a serious tragedy in her past… or does she?
HARVEST HOLLOW — Two labourers (Vasquez and Bruster-Campo) working on the edge of the woods hear the creepy local legend of a murderous scarecrow. At first they laugh it off as a ghost story, but then the night draws in…
USELESS — Two men (Smith and Hernandez) sit in a car and discuss the invention of toilet paper, reducing themselves to a giggling mess. But what is the true reason for their late night excursion?
WIT’S END — Despite not sharing her boyfriend Val’s (Marin) love of horror movies, Alyssa (Garcia) sends him off to a horror convention. However, that night she finds herself involved in a deadly game of cat and mouse with a masked psycho straight out of the slasher flicks she hates so much.
STAINED AFFECTION — Heather (Hinojosa) argues on the phone with her volatile and abusive boyfriend before telling him that the relationship is over, despite his fury. To help take her mind off it, Heather's room-mate suggests going out to let her hair down. However, soon the pair become a target for a mystery prowler. Is this her ex… or somebody even more twisted?
PUNISHMENT —  Gangster Alex (Rodrigue) has let his boss down and now it's time to face the consequences. However, the vicious beating he receives is nothing compared to the effects of a mysterious syringe his sadistic superior has ready for him.

EMPTY — Doctor Alison (Caro) has a near miss in her car when she comes across a mysterious girl walking in the road one rainy night. After heading to a nearby friend's home, Alison starts to realise that maybe her act of Samaritan-like kindness may have doomed them all.

DISTENSION — Homeless, penniless and pregnant Emily (Elaine) seeks aid at a nearby help centre but none is forthcoming. However, kindly Sarah (McGrew) takes pity on her, inviting Emily to stay in her spare room and taking care of her with a number of old family remedies. But why is Sarah helping? And at what cost?

THE BEST BITS (mild spoiler warning): I am pleased to say that, unlike a lot of supposedly 'scary' films released these days, Dreadtime Stories has some legitimately creepy moments.

The ominous knocking at the door in Harvest Hollow, the sandwich gag in Forgotten, Smiley and his paper heart, pretty much everything involving the girl in Empty... these are all proper horror moments. Much like Takashi Shimizu's original v-cinema Ju-On, well crafted scares and atmosphere can always overcome budgetary constraints and, at times, Grim shows a similar understanding of the macabre.

This is assured and controlled direction, not trying to reach beyond his means, nor playing it overly cautious and shying away from the big moments when they matter. This is extremely impressive.

It is also worth noting that each of the segments has a decidedly different feel. While none of them were out and out clunkers, I was especially impressed by Harvest Hallow, Wit's End, Empty and Distension, and I got a real kick out of Home Cooking. This latter story really reminded me of the short One Please, featuring a similar seemingly idyllic all-American family with a dark and disturbing twist. The juxtaposition with the jolly little theme tune and soft-focus warm home with the sudden cut to... something decidedly less comforting was performed wonderfully.

Of those other segments, Harvest Hallow was the only one that could have done with a little more fleshing out. I love a good spooky scarecrow flick (of which, sadly, there are far too few) and think that with a bit more space to breathe and a larger cast of victims, this could make a cool feature. It certainly did enough to keep me interested, so well done guys!

The other three had one thing in common, they managed to tell a full and proper story and didn't feel truncated or like an excerpt from a larger whole. I review a lot of shorts (and I've become a very big fan of the creative and talented filmmakers pushing boundaries with the format) and I can tell you that had I received Empty, Wit's End or Distension as stand alone short films, I would have written equally glowing reviews.

Of the three Empty is arguably the most simple, with a straightforward story and no real twists per say — instead it boasts a trio of top performances from Caro, Ronny Holiday as Charlie and Taylor Goldman as the creepy-as-Hell Girl and a fabulously oppressive gloomy atmosphere. Late night drives on isolated, rain-soaked roads may have become a genre cliche, but Empty shows there's still plenty of life left in the premise if it's done well.

More than anything Wit's End made me want to see what Grim could do with a full-length slasher flick. After some early scene-setting dialogue, once the segment settles into the cat and mouse stalking sequence it hits a real high. The tension is palpable, the scares brilliantly executed. The predictable twist-ending may dull the finish a little, but the journey is more than worthy enough to gain a thumbs up from this jaded reviewer.

Finally we get to possibly the best segment — Distension. Carried along by two absolutely fantastic performances by the sweetly vulnerable Elaine and the complex and nuanced work of McGrew, this has a Rosemary's Baby feel to it. Obviously it doesn't quite hit the lofty heights of Polanski's pregnant and in peril masterpiece, but it isn't far removed from modern day imitators such as Devil's Due. Aside from some cracking performances and suitably freaky visuals during the hallucinatory nightmare sequence, it also boasts a killer twist that I can't help but kick myself for failing to spot!

I think it's a real testament to Grim and his co-writer Sal Hernandez that they were able to encompass so many different themes and horror subjects — from werewolves to witchcraft to psycho clowns and give each segment a different feel.

Of course, it's not just the segments that are worth your time, the wraparound story is well-told too. This is the most obviously campy and funny part of the film, but it boasts some more excellent performances, not least from the excellent Elaine (in another role as Kirk's girlfriend from Hell), the lovely Ms Monroy and the extremely entertaining Paul. Monroy shows real promise in her role and I look forward to seeing more from her in the future. Paul is clearly having a hoot as Churchyard and you can’t help but get swept along by his gleefully OTT turn. If there is a volume 2 of Dreadtime Stories I very much hope that Paul's Hyker Churchyard returns as the Crypt Keeper-like host for proceedings.
I want to praise just how much the filmmakers have done with their micro budget. It's been estimated about $2000, with cast and crew volunteering their services to get the film made, but this is at as high a calibre as plenty of indies I've seen with significantly more funding. The effects are not too bad at all, the film doesn't look too shabby and, generally, the positives far outweigh the negatives. Well done to everybody over at STX Media.
Finally, Smiley. By god, he's horrible… more please!

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): There's not too much to pick at here. Perhaps the biggest issue I had was pacing. The film actually clocks in at a little overlong (1hr 45 is just a tad much for a genre flick like this) yet some of the segments seem to be a little rushed. This means some are cutback to overly simple linear stories (case in point, while Forgotten had plenty of atmosphere it was essentially just an excuse to include a creepy kid tale, and the complete lack of any explanation for the Useless section made it a bit of a head-scratcher). Sadly the ending was most badly affected by this hurried feeling and it meant that it lost some of its punch.
Perhaps the best way around this would have been to excise two or even three of the segments to give the others a little more room to breathe, instead including the excised few in the rumoured Volume 2 and giving them a little more time too. Ten story lines, while ambitious and pretty damn generous of Grim and Hernandez, is just two much to fit into a sub-two hour flick. Much like the second V/H/S movie, I hope the next film will give each story the necessary time to really crawl under the skin.
Also, while it's churlish to point out the places in which Dreadtime Stories doesn't exceed expectations, there are definitely a couple of lo-fi moments in there in which the effects work doesn't quite hit the target. Fortunately these are pretty rare and don't adversely affect enjoyment of the movie that often. One area in which it does become a problem is the uniformly dark nature of the flick. Unfortunately the lighting dips just a little below 'atmospheric' and into 'confusing' at times. Obviously, dark, bleak, shadowy grim settings are a big part of the genre, but you still need to be able to see exactly what's going on. There were a few points in which that became difficult. Luckily, this wasn't so regular that it stopped me from getting the gist of the plot, so it's not too bad.
Finally, I know I had lots of praise for the acting but, not everybody hit the same sterling standard as the awesome Elaine, Monroy, Paul, McGrew, Caro, Holiday, Goldman and Hernandez (him again!) as Smiley. This is probably due to the fact that they are onscreen with performers as good as those I've just listed, but unfortunately they come across as decidedly weaker than the aforementioned heavy-hitters.
Then again, perhaps I was spoiled by how great the best cast members were!

THE VERDICT: What a wonderful surprise Dreadtime Stories was — this is more like it! Overcoming its budgetary constraints with aplomb, this is a great anthology along the lines of Creepshow or Tales From The Darkside. With fun, frights and an unexpected level of finesse, the folks at STX Media should be well and truly proud of this effort and I have no reservations whatsoever in recommending it.
The film is currently touring festivals so be sure to check out STX's Facebook page to see when it'll be near you and to get info on any home release or sequel plans. Give them a Like while you're there too, I'm sure they'd appreciate it!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

RAW REVIEW: ZOMBEAVERS

Sometimes a title does all the work, doesn't it?
Zombeavers is one such title.
After hearing about this one it's become something of an obsession of mine. Alas, the UK release date came and went and I could see no reason to push through my review when other, more time sensitive, flicks could benefit from the coverage.
And then I saw that Zombeavers would get a US release this Friday. That was the kick up the behind I needed to sit down and get this done.
But could it possibly match the potential of that title? Or would it fall into the 'dam' shame category?
Read on…

ZOMBEAVERS (2014)

Dir: Jordan Rubin
Starring: Rachel Melvin, Cortney Palm, Lexi Atkins, Hutch Dano, Jake Weary, Peter Gilroy, Rex Linn, Bill Burr, John Mayer

SPEEDY SYNOPSIS: I’ll try not spoil too much here but read on at your own risk.

The film opens with a pair of hilarious truckers (Burr and Mayer) talking as they drive several barrels of ominous looking waste to an undisclosed location. After an accident in which the clueless pair hit a deer, one of the barrels become dislodged and falls into the river, following it downstream until it hits a beaver dam, whereupon it springs a leak.
Meanwhile, after finding proof that suggests her boyfriend may be cheating on her, Jenn (Atkins) heads to a remote lakeside cabin with her galpals sweet Mary (Melvin) and outrageous Zoe (Palm). They decide to enjoy some sun and swimming, donning bikinis and getting back to nature. They notice a nearby beaver dam and after investigating, have a hair-raising run-in with a bear. Luckily grizzly hunter Smyth (Linn) is on hand to scare it away from the ladies, even if his attitude towards their attire is a little old-fashioned. Smyth warns the girls to stay away from the beavers before disappearing back into the woodland.
That evening they are surprised by their boyfriends, lunkish Buck (Gilroy), decent Tommy (Weary) and Jenn’s cheating man Sam (Dano). Mary eventually acquiesces and lets the boys come in to stay with them, after Jenn says it's ok. The couples soon pair off and do what couples do (ahem) while Jenn confronts Sam over a photo that shows him with a mystery brunette. However, as she attempts to take a shower she is attacked by a fierce and decidedly undead looking beaver — but thankfully Tommy is on hand to kill it with a baseball bat. Or does he?
The following day the group swim out to the raft on the lake, where the truth is revealed — the mystery brunette with Sam was Mary! However, before much can be said the zombeavers strike again… this time drawing blood.
Who will survive the ensuing carnage? Will Jenn discover the truth about Sam? How exactly does Buck 'feel like a Power Ranger'? And what happens if you receive a zombeaver bite?

THE BEST BITS (mild spoiler warning): Oh. My. God.
I often talk about how a film has all the right qualities to become a 'cult movie'… and never have I seen them so strongly present as here in Zombeavers.
First, it is absolutely bloody hilarious. I lost track of the number of laugh-out-loud hilarious lines I heard during its runtime, and (perhaps more surprisingly) very few of them relied on the obvious smutty pun use of the term 'beaver' — even if there is one truly epic 'Goddamn hairy beavers!'
Seriously, I cannot think of as quotable a movie from the last five years — Zombeavers delivers a deluge of witty, goofy and smart-arsed soundbites by the minute. I'd love to share some of the gems that you can look forward to but I don't want to be that guy. Instead, take my word that you have some real comedy gold in store. Credit must go to Rubin and his co-writers Al Kaplan and Jon Kaplan for their work here, as well as the loving nods to genre flicks of yesteryear. Well done, fellas!
As well as dialogue which has to be heard to be believed, there are some wonderful visual gags. I was particularly fond of the bizarre 'whack-a-molebeaver' scene!
The humour was helped no end by the quality of the cast. Everybody played it just right, layering just the right amount of camp hamminess with straight-faced sincerity to make it work. The most out-there performances would be Gilroy's broad turn as Buck, Linn's redneck Smyth and the truckers. Yet, these were my favourite characters! 
The truckers (as played in little more than an extended cameo by singer/songwriter John Mayer and comedian Bill Burr) were absolutely incredible and had me laughing pretty much the entire time they were onscreen. They deserve their own spin-off or at least an extended role in a sequel. The post credits scene suggest one way in which this could go, although director Rubin has himself suggested that the sequel could be entitled Zombeyoncé.
I suspect this may be a joke…
Gilroy is very funny indeed, his dialogue during a sex-scene is sure to become a running joke with my pals. Among a core group that played it (pretty much) straight, his out-and-out levity provided a nice contrast.
Linn was also wonderful, adding some gravitas but also using his gruff character (and the conventions of this sort of role) to bring some surprising but always well-timed laughs to his no-nonsense asskicking.
These weren't the only good performances by any stretch. I thought Weary did a great job with what he had and, as well as looking great in bikinis, the ladies proved they can act too. Palm was great fun and gave her character some much-needed edge while Atkins showed some real nuance in her performance. I'd love to see her return to the genre, she has serious scream queen chops.

Melvin was excellent, arguably the best performer in the movie, she made for a likeable and interesting character with plenty of great moments, especially later on in the film. She's definitely one to watch.

Finally I thought Dano was a riot as the resident dick of the group. He played a self-serving tool, yet somehow he remained a character you couldn't help but get behind, even if you couldn't wait to see him get his inevitable, beaver-tooth comeuppance. 

Another one of Zombeavers' biggest strengths is the way in which those bloody bite scenes come to life. Going for a splatterstick approach a la The Evil Dead 2, there's plenty of blood and guts on display to keep things spicy should the dialogue or bare flesh not keep your interest. The practical effects are all pretty awesome, and this includes the titular Zombeavers. The creature puppets are like something out of a Jim Henson nightmare, and with their slathering maws and eerie, milky eyes, they make for a great movie monster.
That isn't the only part of the movie that looks great either — it would be easy to assume that this is a low-budget, low-polish flick, but it actually looks and sounds like it has had a fair bit of time and money spent on it. With some assured direction from the obviously very talented Rubin, a decent editing job by Ed Marx and some great cinematography by Jonathan Hall, this feels like it's a real step up from the Asylum/Syfy fare you may be tempted to lump it in with.
Finally… Nick Amado’s end credits theme. 

Ho. Lee. Shit. 

It has to leap straight into my top three Lounge crooner-style horror themes of all time. You need to stick around after the hilarious gag reel (featuring even more top-drawer, side-splitting improv by Burr and Mayer) to check this out in all its easy-listening glory. Marvellous.

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): ln a lot of ways, a film like Zombeavers is immune to critique. It is a self-aware, knowing parody of creature run amok/zombie flicks and willingly embraces those genres' tropes and DELIBERATELY pushes beyond them.
Unrealistic scenes, dialogue and character reactions are par for the course and, damn it (dam it?) Zombeavers makes them as sidesplittingly awful as it can.
This is great if you're down with the joke, less so if you aren't.
In short, does a film called Zombeavers make you want to watch it or does it just seem bloody stupid? If your answer is the latter, well, I very much doubt that the movie will do much to change your mind. This is a film in which mutated, super-resilient ferocious beavers co-ordinate their tree gnawing efforts to bring them crashing down with near military precision on victims. If that doesn't get you onside, move along.

I know I praised the effects earlier, but I feel I should clarify here — they really are very hokey. A couple (ok, a lot) of the zombeaver scenes are not even remotely convincing. I found that added to the flick's b-movie charm, but if you're the type that doesn't enjoy the brain-in-neutral likes of Sharknado, you won't dig pretty young things pretending to be terrified of oversized sock puppets. I suspect this is because you have no soul.

Yet while I loved the practical effects, the same cannot be said of a couple of decidedly sub-par cg shots. Not cool, guys.
Also, while I liked the characters, I'm not sure everybody was given their moment to shine. This was a very talented cast but the sheer number of ideas shoved into the film (including one particularly fantastic plot development re: beaver bites that I refuse to spoil here) meant there wasn't much room for all 

Also, I feel the film missed the trick a little. It clearly has some decidedly feminist sensibilities and earlier on in particular feels like this is the way it's going to go, particularly when the frankly imbecilic or sleazy gentlemen turn up. And, to a degree, the ending kind of backs that up. But along the way the feminist agenda seems to get lost, replaced instead with macho men and mucho bikini clad shrieking. It's a shame, as I would have loved to see the gals start to kick undead mutant beaver butt.Then again the poster and dvd artwork should really serve as clue enough that this isn't how the flick will unfold. Perhaps I'm looking for a little too much depth in a movie called Zombeavers?

THE VERDICT: Zombeavers might be the most ridiculous film I have ever seen, and I've watched some seriously demented crap in my time. It is puerile, far-fetched and corny.
Ah, screw it, this is the greatest movie ever.
ZOMBIE BEAVERS, people. Zombie. Beavers.
It's hilarious, furry, frightful fun and I can't recommend it highly enough. This is arguably the ULTIMATE beer and pizza flick and one that will undoubtedly gather a huge cult following in the years ahead. 
I want, nay, DEMAND sequels. Lots of sequels. Check it out immediately. 

I SAID IMMEDIATELY.

While you're at it, check out the film's official Facebook page and give it a Like. You gnaw you want too…

Also, If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

RAW REVIEW: DRIFTER

What I love most about indie horror is its unerring ability to surprise when you least expect it.
Take Drifter for example. The promotional materials lead me to expect a Hobo With A Shotgun-style barebones Grindhouse slasher in which a homeless man would cut a bloody and violent swathe through numerous scantily clad ladies for little motivation other than to come up with a new and exciting way to sever a body part.

At this point, I feel I should stress that I’m not saying this would be a bad thing.

However, that isn’t what I was served when the kind folks at Skullface Astronaut sent me a screener of the movie for review purposes. Well, ok it kind of is, but there’s more to it than that.
Hmmm, perhaps we should just get to the review...

DRIFTER (2014)

Dir: Joe Sherlock
Starring: Bob Olin, Richard Johnson, Sonya Davis, Stephanie Lunceford, Bryn Kristi, Rob Merickel, Michael Hegg

SPEEDY SYNOPSIS: I’ll try not to spoil too much here but read on at your own risk.

Estate agent/realtor Don (Johnson) is struggling to sell a property, the ominously named Blud House. With a list of horror stories attached including witchcraft, sacrifice and grisly murder, selling the house seems impossible — especially when several people are found dead inside as a result of a grisly murder/suicide.

Yet when he is challenged by coworker Angus (Hegg) he makes a bet worth a cool $1000 that he WILL sell the house. So begins an obsession to sell the house that starts to grate on his relationship with his wife Mary Ellen (Lunceford).

However, unbeknownst to Don a mysterious and clearly disturbed Drifter (Olin) has wandered into town and set up home in the abandoned house. As a number of people step into the house, either to fix it up (such as hapless Susan, played by Kristi) or looking to buy it.

As the Drifter deals with each one we build towards a truly shocking climax. Will Don sell the house? Will anybody keep their clothes on? And what exactly does the Drifter want?

THE BEST BITS (minor spoiler warning): Arguably the finest thing in Drifter is the batshit out of left-field twist that pops up with little warning. It lifts the entire thing to a far higher level. Not since Dusk Till Dawn has a movie jetted off on such an insane tangent... and it totally works! The film would be a pretty good low-fi slasher without the twist, but with it the movie reaches a whole new level. Excellent work, Mr Sherlock.

Sherlock's film is one that I imagine will reward repeated viewings (even beyond the almost constant bombardment of nudity). It is well-written with some crisp, sparkling dialogue from a well-rounded cast of loveable oddball characters. There is some real wit and humour in the film which just makes the characterisation that little bit stronger. The humour is one of the strongest points in the script. There are a coupe lot uproariously hilarious scenes with mortician Reggie (Merickel), the son of the former owner of the Blud House. He shows some wonderful comic timing and the lines show that Sherlock definitely has a knack for comedy as well as the more ghoulish side of things.

There are some well-realised characters that have been suitably fleshed out enough for the audience to care about. Obviously one of the best ways to bring a character to life is to ensure that the actors playing them are up to the job.

This group really are.

What I loved most about the cast (aside from the fact that they are a pretty talented bunch) is that they are all a little older than the usual genre cast. It adds to the realism of the story, making the characters seem somehow more believable than a group of cookie cutter pretty teen tv drama stars.

Don't get me wrong, they aren't an ugly group by any stretch, but they seem more like people you could meet everyday and as such the film carries more weight. Furthermore, seeing this menace cut his way through a group of adults (albeit pretty goofy ones) instead of moronic horny drunk teens makes him seem all the more dangerous.
The cast has some real standout performers too. Olin as the titular Drifter is brilliant, he seems legitimately damaged and his attacks are almost feral in their ferocity. This is a role without dialogue yet he brings so much to the character with his emotive expressions and full body language. He is terrifyingly violent, yet he also exudes a tragic sadness. Considering the events of the latter stages of the film, this is an excellent performance.
While Olin doesn’t get much to say, Johnson’s Don is given far more dialogue to run with and he nails it. As the world-weary, ambitious and doggedly determined realtor, his growing obsession with the house is the driving force behind the plot as he leads wave after wave of unsuspecting victim to their grisly fate in the Blud House. His is a confident, natural performance and Johnson is very much the glue that holds the whole thing together. I look forward to seeing more of him.
Equally impressive were the lovely Kristi and Lunceford. Kristi has the more typical horror character to portray, the likeable yet hapless victim and totally gets the job done. She brings some real personality to the role and the scenes with her in are some of the finest in the movie. Lunceford is arguably the best in the film, her understated role is entirely convincing and she manages to balance humour with some more emotional weight as her character's concerns over Don’s obsession grows. I thought she was incredible, kudos Ms Lunceford.
I also got a real kick out of the fantastically creepy work of Davis. I don't want to spoil the film so I won't go into this too much, but Davis' work stayed with me long after the end credits rolled. She was genuinely frightening, so that’s another hit as far as I’m concerned.
Finally I loved that the film wasn’t afraid to show the sex and gore that a studio flick might not have had the balls to go with. With some great effects work and splatter scenes, this is a horror film that remembered to bring the horror. Well done guys!

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): So, I praised the sex and violence — and I stand by the fact that they added to the film‘s grindhouse feel. However, the sheer amount of flesh on display actually hindered the movie’s effectiveness. Torn between telling a freaky, nightmare dream story and titillating with sleazy tits and blood, the balance seemed thrown off. It felt as if the more serious horror aspects lost some of their punch interspersed with plentiful shots of large breasts and bare behinds. These have their place in a down 'n' dirty horror flick but this one has aspirations of a more cerebral and fantastical effort.
Sherlock has cited the influence of Don Coscarelli's seminal Phantasm (one of the very finest psychedelic horror flicks of all time) and its influence is all too clear. Characters and locations are named after the cast and crew of that incredible film — Don, Reggie and Angus just for starters. Sherlock does a damn fine job of emulating that film, so it sometimes seems a little weird when that mood is shattered with a gratuitous arse shot. Oh well.
I did feel that the pacing was a little off. I could have done with a little more time devoted to the plot after the twist was revealed as, unfortunately, the middle section of the film became a little repetitive. It was very much a case of Don sends somebody to the Blud House, where they are ambushed by the Drifter who offs them in a brutal and grisly manner, then Don sends somebody else to the Blud House, where they are ambushed by the Drifter who offs them in a brutal and grisly manner, then Don sends somebody else to the Blud House… I'm sure you can guess who the Drifter greets them. Luckily these gory grisly attacks are all pretty great, so while they become a little predictable they never come boring.
Obviously Drifter is a lower-budget flick. It does have some limitations and it's not the most polished of movies. If you are used to the production values of big studio movies, this may feel a little low-fi in contrast. 
Finally, most of the actors in the film are obviously good buddies with Sherlock and are giving their all to their roles. However, a couple of them aren't quite up to the lofty standards of the top performers. It certainly isn't anything to do with a lack of commitment or effort, everybody is clearly working their butt off and you can practically feel the fun on set beaming out of the screen. Unfortunately, it's more an issue with experience. Still, fairplay to everybody involved for doing the very best they can. Luckily, this doesn't hinder any of the key scenes in the film so it's no big deal.

VERDICT: You know what? I had an absolute blast with Drifter. Some great performances, some wonderful horror and a fantastic nightmarish twist make this a brilliant low-budget indie horror flick with a tonne of imagination and black heart. I definitely recommend it, the guys over at Skullface Astronaut have produced a brilliantly dark and twisted effort that I could see becoming a cult classic in the years ahead. Check it out.

While you're at it, check out the film's official Facebook page and be sure to give it a Like. Sherlock and the Skullface Astronaut guys deserve your support!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

THE WEEK’S HORROR HEADLINES (9th – 16th March)

Not got time to trawl the web for all the top horror news of the last week? Well allow me to give you a bite-size breakdown of the all biggest nightmarish news!

1. LEATHERFACE, THE TCM PREQUEL, CAST TAKES SHAPE

Reports say EastEnders star Sam Strike is in negotiations to play Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel. James Bloor is in negotiations to join him and this is where things get interesting.

The film is said to feature three psychotic teens and has a element of mystery as to which will grow up to don Leatherface's iconic chainsaw and mask.
And finally, the awesome Angela Bettis is in talks to play Verna, the matriarch of the bloodthirsty Sawyer clan.
Read the reports here, here and here.

2. RINGS WILL BE A PREQUEL

The upcoming Rings movie by F. Javier Gutierrez will be set prior the 2002 Ring remake that first introduced us all to Samara. So kind of a Ring 0 for the US series, which isn't the worst thing in the world.
Read Bloody Disgusting's exclusive story here.

3. MORE STARS ANNOUNCED FOR ROB ZOMBIE’S 31

Rob Zombie’s intriguing ‘killer clowns in a Running Man-style murder game at Halloween’ movie, 31 has added some more names to it’s already sterling cast. Judy Geeson, David Ury and the one and only Malcolm McDowell will be joining Torsten Voges and Elizabeth Daily in a film that Mr Zombie is calling ‘down and dirty’. You know, unlike all of his other flicks...

If you want to contribute to the film, you can back it here.

4. FIRST PIC FOR HUMAN CENTIPEDE III RELEASED

Don’t worry, it’s safe for work! 

Director Tom Six says of the American shot sequel to his controversial first two movies: ‘it will be the most controversial one politically-wise. It will have a lot of self-mockery and will be the most darkly comical of the three. Parts 1 and 2 have a very European feel. Part 3 is very American with the highest budget, a big movie score, widescreen, and an XXL human centipede. It’s set in an American maximum security prison in the middle of the desert. Plot-wise I won’t share details yet but if you let your imagination run wild you might get ideas.’

5. UK FREEVIEW GETS HORROR CHANNEL

As of last Friday (the 13th, no less) the Horror Channel joined the Freeview family! Now there’s no excuse to miss out on the classic flicks that this fantastic broadcasting company beam out on a nightly basis.

Check out the latest listings right here.

6. NEW THIS WEEK

 

Hey US readers, don't get too down about the Horror Channel news, this week you can sit down with Zombeavers and the eagerly anticipated Muck.

Hmmm, I wonder if there’ll be any new, sparklingly witty and insightful reviews for either of those going live this week?

If you haven’t already, do please check out and like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

RAW REVIEW: LOON

The tried and trusted slasher formula may have peaks and troughs in popularity, but it will never truly die.

It works and, when done well, there is still plenty of life left in horror's most maligned sub-genre.

The teens in the woods premise of such films is still popular and, it is one of these that I viewed last night — Brandon Tobatto's Loon.

Could it do enough to stand out from the masked-murderer crowd?

Read on...

LOON (2014)

Dir: Brandon Tobatto

Starring: Trevor Moates, Tara Moates, Ryan Gray, John Niemen, Anne Tuck, Jadyne Dimond, Michael Lester, Kyle Clark, Randy Porter, Kerissa Porter, 

SPEEDY SYNOPSIS: The film is not yet available on home release, so I'll try to keep this vague but read on at your own risk.

Young siblings Aaliyah (Kerissa Porter) and Jeremy (Randy Porter) have heard stories about an abandoned Haunted House attraction and, as teens are wont to do, decide to cycle out to the old site.

When they get there they discover all manner of creepy props... and a hulking, clown mask-wearing, baseball bat-wielding lunatic. After a frantic chase, in which Jeremy snaps a quick photograph of their assailant, the pair flee to safety.

Years later, with the pair now at college, Jeremy (now played by Trevor Moates) and Aaliyah (now played by Tara Moates) return home following the death of their mother.

The pair reacquaint themselves with friends — fun-loving Tommy (Lester), sassy Meghan (Dimond) and sharp-tongued stoner Cort (Clark) — and, upon discovering the photos from that fateful afternoon, Jeremy suggests that the group go back to the Haunted House.

Despite warnings about doing so from dotty neighbour Ms Kettlewell (Tuck), the youngsters head out into the woods.

Suspecting that they will do as much, Kettlewell calls the local police station and ends up speaking to disinterested Detective Ryan (Gray).

Will Ryan take the story seriously? Is the local legend of the insane Charlie Graves true? And will Jeremy come to rue his obsession?

THE BEST BITS (mild spoiler warning): In a lot of ways, Loon feels like a classic low-budget backwoods slasher of yesteryear.

Its grainy, gritty look adds a certain authenticity to the film and the on-location work adds even more realism. One thing that I was extremely pleased to see was the use of talented young actors who actually look as if they could be of college age, not unconvincing 28-year-olds pretending to still be teens.
It may seem like a simple thing but it's a real bugbear of mine. Youth doesn't mean untalented, if a character is a teenager then cast a damn actor in their teens!

But beyond the casting the authenticity is apparent in the practical effects and the real world locations. It is this old-school slasher feel that really helps Loon — it's a throwback and it knows it.

Its deceptively simple story gives us some nice character moments and actually caught me unawares by squeezing a couple of films worth of plot into the one tight runtime.

A lot of lazier movies would have just played out events up to and including the youngsters visiting the old haunted house, padding the runtime with lame false jumpscares , but Loon extends long beyond that and adds a cool twist to the tale. As Tobatto's cleverly plotted story unfolds, it seems to be heading toward a familiar and hasty conclusion before it zigs and then zags, adding more relevance to earlier scenes and characters.
However, arguably the film's strongest point is its murderous antagonist. Now, I may catch some flak for saying this, but I'm going to anyway: Charlie Graves — a horror icon is born.
With flashes of Kane Hodder's Jason Voorhees (whose influence is recognised in the scene in which THAT hockey mask has a cameo), particularly in his heavy breathing and abrupt, sudden movements, Graves feels like a bona fide cinematic boogeyman. A hulking beast of a man in mucky dungarees sporting a gore-soaked baseball bat and a clown mask straight out of a coulrophobe’s nightmare, Graves is a monster.
His attacks are brutal, violent and frenzied, his rage all too apparent as skull-shattering blows rain down on his victims. The character is given some brilliant moments: the incandescent, shivering fury at seeing somebody take that which belongs to him; the silent and gory treatment of his own bullet-wounds; the oddly tender moment with a hen and the ingenious way he responds to a fleeing teen’s taunts.
In a cute twist, the end credits say Charlie Graves is played by 'Himself' and the character is an immensely well-rounded, fully formed and utterly terrifying modern day equivalent of the likes of The Burning’s Cropsy or Madman’s Marz. This Loon is not to be trifled with.
However, Graves wasn’t the only one to impress me. I thought both of the young Porters were excellent (a relief as child actors can be hit and miss) and I thought Moates's performance as Aaliyah was one of the standouts. Great work. I was also a big fan of Lester's Tommy. It was a capable, natural performance with fantastic comic timing. But it may well be the wonderful Ms Tuck's turn as Ms Kettlewell that stole the movie for me. She is a wonderful actress, bringing warmth, humour and a dark edge to a complicated role. I thought she was brilliant and would love to see more of her.

These well-realised, likeable and believable characters, combined with the terrifying nature of Graves' brutal attacks meant that this was a horror film that didn't forget to bring the horror when it mattered. Each and every bloody, splattery and bone crunching attack hit hard. The film didn't show too much in the way of gore, instead relying on some cringe-inducing sound effects and suggestion to allow the audience to conjure up some suitably appalling mental images.
Finally, credits go to whoever scored Boo Clan’s awesome Just A Loon as the theme for the movie. The score throughout was pretty great, but this track completely suits the throwback slasher/twisted carnival feel of the flick. This really is an inspired combination.

THE WORST BITS (mild spoiler warning): Unfortunately there was one flaw that leapt out at me throughout Loon — the audio track was just not quite up to scratch. There was substantial dubbing and, unfortunately, the recording was a little too echoey. It's a shame, but these things do happen.
Earlier I likened the film to those flicks that flooded video stores when slashermania (how's THAT for the name of a horror movie?) was at its heights in the Eighties. While that is very much one of Loon's biggest strengths, it is something of a double-edged sword. It means that Loon is prone to all of the problems that popped up in those movies.

If a lack of polish turns you off, then Loon may not be for you. It contains several clunky lines, some decidedly awkward delivery at times, erratic editing and, if we're honest, a couple of sketchy plot holes, particularly towards the film's (albeit very fun) climax.

But like I said before, this is all a part of the fun of enjoying a slasher flick. There are a tiny handful that stand as legitimately great examples of film-making (I still say Halloween is a pretty much flawless picture), but the genre has plenty of fans and the movies have their own low-fi charm. A lavish, four-course Cordon Bleu meal is undoubtedly a work of culinary art, but sometimes I want a cheeseburger! That Loon so closely mirrors those films that it seeks to emulate just adds to the fun.
Finally, as much as I loved Charlie (and got a real kick out of seeing that he was played by 'himself'), this is spoiled somewhat by the fact that the man behind the mask (Niemen) is featured prominently throughout the film in the dual role of Captain Hill. I'm not faulting Niemen's performance in either part — I have already raved about his wonderful Graves and his outbursts as the permanently pissed-off Captain were superb. It's just that you can CLEARLY see it's the same fella (especially during a poorly judged unmasking during the otherwise excellent 'bullet-removal' scene). I know we're not meant to REALLY think that Graves is a genuine psycho who wandered onto a film set, but even so the character does end up losing some of his mystery and menace as a result. However, I think it speaks volumes about the quality of Niemen's unhinged performance that Charlie is still a shit-your-pants-scary antagonist.

THE VERDICT: Loon was made for old-school slasher fans. It is a modern-day entry into the teens, trees and terror genre, that effectively encompasses the spirit of its celebrated (and less celebrated) forebears, warts and all.

It brings fun, blood and a nightmarish new boogeyman, along with a kickass soundtrack and some modern twists to the tale to keep you on your toes. 

Does the mere mention of Madman, Prowler or Happy Birthday To Me leave you misty eyed with nostalgia? If so, you really should check Loon out. You'll have a blast.
While you're at it, visit the film's official Facebook page. Give it a Like while you're there!

If you haven’t already, do please check out and Like the Hickey’s House of Horrors Facebook page, which you can find here. It gives you a nice quick link to any new posts on this blog, plus regular news updates from around the web. I check the Internet so you don’t have to! Alternatively, follow me on twitter: The House@HickeysHorrors

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.