Thursday, 17 May 2012

Reviews: A quick guide


Before I pop the first review up here, I suppose I should give you a quick guide to how these reviews will go down.

Needless to say I’ll give you the title, year of release, name of the director and the main stars of the film.

I’ll also pop in a summary of the film, that will probably be quite spoilery, but I’ll do my best to not ruin it for you. I may signpost spoilers in the body text. I will probably forget this most of the time though. Oh well.

After that I’ll add some fun stuff. Interested? Of course you are! It’s FUN STUFF!

First ‘Hey, I Know You!’ will cover those familiar faces in the film. Whether it’s horror icons popping up in roles other than those they became famous for or big name actors and actresses slumming it in horror films before they got their big break, I’ll point them out.

‘Creative Carnage’ will be a quick celebration of any truly standout deaths or injuries in the film. Expect me to be INTO THIS.

‘Evil On Two Legs’, ‘What The Hell Was That Thing’, ‘For God’s Sake, Get Out!’ (plus several others that will occur to me as I need them): these will all be used to describe the primary antagonist of the film. After all, a horror film is only as good as it’s scary bad guy!

Cliché Checklist: Any far too common pieces of dialogue (‘Is this some kind of joke?’, ‘I’ll be right back’, ‘Let’s get the hell outta here!’) or horror staples (OMINOUS THUNDER, SHOWER BOOBIES!!!!, 'AAAAAARGH! A CAT!') will be listed and lovingly mocked. If you do end up watching these films, feel free to point out any I miss!

DiaLOL: Some lines in horror films are so AWESOME you know you’ll be quoting them later. Some are so ridiculous you will have to hold them close to your heart and never let them go. Allow me to help you find them.

And finally, I’ll give each review a 10 WORD WRAP-UP. This is for the busy, high-flying executives among you who just don’t have time for reading a horror blog. Lunch and reviews are for wimps!

So that’s it. I may have to start with one of my fave horror films ever.
I’m sure you can’t wait.

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Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your stay.

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